A Silent Song

Ohh!

I liked this!

I can see this being a wonderful song (hopefully not a silent one....)

I like how you said 'silent song' as it gives us a feel of mystery almost, and makes us wish to know more, is one of the deaf?

It's really amazing, and I like it!

Thanks! Happy Review Day!

Team Fire Flower!

pegasusgirl2

Wow! That was very, very nice. I like the simple but powerful description, and the undercurrent of emotion. However, there are a few typos:

"FORGETING about the end of the day" should be "FORGETTING about the end of the day"

"That THE is no world but our own" should be "That THERE is no world but our own"

The last line of the second stanza has no punctuation.

The last stanza could use a little checking for rhythm and flow. Maybe take out a couple of syllables by using synonyms.

Other than that, I have no discrepancies. You did an overall great job on this poem, and a few more tweaks will have it just perfect. And as always, keep writing!

Hi there! I think you have done a beautiful job here. These could be any two people in the entire world because you only described their eyes. Two men, two women! An old aged couple, two teenagers! Married, an affair! Anything!!!

Great imagery as well. Well done and I look forward to reading some more of your work in the future!

This is beautiful! I love it! I especially love how you only describe their eyes only, so beautiful and sweet. You also describe where you are and that helps me imagine this seen.
In the three last stanzas, the middle line is not capitalized at the beginning like the first two stanzas. "That the is n world..." doesn't make any sense, you might want to look at that. This is beautiful and I can't wait to read more!
~Racket

I read this, and about cried. Its absolutely wonderful, beautiful, such amazing.. magnificent work! Oh yeah.. Im SecreteJournalist, but feel free to call me Brie. I follow anyone I review so..
consider yourself followed c:

But ANYWAY, on to the review.

The imaginary is pretty perfect. Its as if I can watch the couple dance, melting into each others embrace. The repetition worked with the poem, and really stressed the importance, and the beauty of the silent song. Its so romantic, but such a small poem, but with tons of meaning. I absolutely love this poem x.x I agree that the second line in the last stanza is kinda off. But for some reason, I like the offness to it. It kinda stands out, makes the reader think. But I am guessing that's not what you were going for.

Overall, a beautiful title opened up into a magnificent poem, flowing with love and romance, and so much more. Please keep writing. Often. I am officially in love with your writing! I will keep reading and reviewing.

Hope this helped!

~SecreteJournalist

Hey there Kat here to review for ya and team DREAMWAVE YAY!

Just saying I'm writing this line BEFORE I read it , epic title dude!

Okay now to the serious stuff. I fell apart after the first line so beautiful :')
I also LOVED your use of repetition stressing the silent song. Like how only two people in love can truly understand how it feels and they dance to a song that only they two can hear, ah so romantic! And also in the last line the repetition of the word forever was nice to. And the imagrey with the eyes was soooo amazing because looking into someone's eyes is sooo romantic. Did I mention i love this poem ! I am definatley gonna recomend this on my wall. But the second line opf the last stanza falt just a little out of the flow, I like the word togather there but maybe play with the words and move them around or change the tenses to help it flow a little better ( witch some past and present). I hope you know what I mean.

Overall super sweet and romantic and pm me if you write some more.

~Speakerskat

Hey Aouther!

Nice use of imagery and repetition here. In combination with the end rhymes and the diction used: moonlight, rose garden, dance, song-- there is definitely a lyrical element that pervades through the entire poem. It has what I like to call this sickly sweet white honey quality. The sounds maintained throughout is soft, so there is definitely an intended beauty/romantic sort of mood. The soft whisper-toned "we" also helps with this too, so it's a great use of every ounce of word ;D

I think you've accomplished this quite well. It's reminiscent of a song and a dream and first love, which I think is your intention. I'm not too fond of the repetitive forever lines in that last stanza. I think that makes it a bit anti-climatic, and it sort of dances along the line of that cliche element.

Another thing that I might recommend is to try to paint more evocative images -- not necessarily something crazy or something 'out there' but something that is going to distinguish this piece from the millions of other love poems that are already out there. Something that is going to make that reader surprised and engaged with shocking imagery or word pairs. For example, you can easily say the words: green grass-- and that is a vivid image. But that is also a boring one.

Or you can say the words: bladed grass / white in the sun-drenched rain -- the combination: bladed grass isn't as commonly used as green grass, so it's more surprising and it immediately prompts the reader to read on, fully engaged.

I hope this helps.

~ as always, Audy

wow i love this! spelled wrapped wrong