If She Were Real

by aouther2b

Published July 30, 2013

16+ Mature Content

In Poetry

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

White silk around her wrists

Binds her hands to her arm

Daddy didn’t like it

When she told mama about the harm

See when daddy has

The necked item with no head

That is just one of the moments

She wishes Daddy would end up dead.

She must not touch daddy,

When he doesn’t touch her,

Like in during the night when he does

the things that shouldn’t be heard.

But she mustn’t tell mama

Of Daddy’s sinful deed.

Mama wouldn’t believe her anyways,

Despite the truth it bleeds.

She hears the creak of her door,

Beyond her narrow grave.

He whispers that he loves her

And is sorry for his rage.

And she lies motionless,

Her duty done for the night.

Lord himself only knows

When she had given up the fight.

Her hands feel numb,

As the pallid silk stains red.

She waits for the memory

To be ingrained into her head.

She feels used,

as she should feel.

Tell me reader, what would you do

If this young girl was real?

Comments & reviews · 5
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KrystaG
Comment
KrystaG commented Comment · Aug 12, 2013

Hey there KrystaG here, I am going to review your piece!(:
First off, I would cut my wrist until I was dead. This is only because I have gone through rape seven times and the people have yet to get in trouble. It is as if the police don't care at all and i constantly want to cut or kill myself. But I have family and friends, so I would tell the mother when he wasn't home. Then I would have her take me to another house until he was taken care of by the cops or away from the home. But for the review part, "The necked item with no head" That made no sense at all to me. I could be reading it wrong or something. "Like in during the night" I think you meant to put "like during the night". "but she mustn't tell mama" Mama needs to be capitalized. Other than those few grammar errors this is a very good poem. And if this is about you and you need advice you can message me I am very great with advice but if not that is cool too.(:
~XOXO

Random avatar
KrystaG
Review
KrystaG wrote a review Review · Aug 12, 2013

Hey there KrystaG here, I am going to review your piece!(:
First off, I would cut my wrist until I was dead. This is only because I have gone through rape seven times and the people have yet to get in trouble. It is as if the police don't care at all and i constantly want to cut or kill myself. But I have family and friends, so I would tell the mother when he wasn't home. Then I would have her take me to another house until he was taken care of by the cops or away from the home. But for the review part, "The necked item with no head" That made no sense at all to me. I could be reading it wrong or something. "Like in during the night" I think you meant to put "like during the night". "but she mustn't tell mama" Mama needs to be capitalized. Other than those few grammar errors this is a very good poem. And if this is about you and you need advice you can message me I am very great with advice but if not that is cool too.(:
~XOXO

User avatar
Blackwood
Review
Blackwood wrote a review Review · Aug 2, 2013

Great poem, very shocking. I wouldn't call it horror though, even though its dark, I know yws is in need of more a diverse range of genres.

The necked item with no head

I didn't get this, it didn't make sense.... then... I think I sort of got it but... yeah. If I was right I think you'll know what I mean already.
It works in that sense and is needable, but as I said, the grammar is a bit wavy.

Binds her hands to her arm

You need to say arms, not arm. Don't be shy with rhyming, I think non exact rhymes sound more poetic than exact rhymes alot of the time, although you already pulled of all of these rhymes incredibly well.

Anyway great job, very good words here.

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Kevikur
Review
Kevikur wrote a review Review · Jul 31, 2013

Wow. Powerful. Absolutely amazing. I don't know why this doesn't have more likes or other comments. This just really hit home for me.

I usually let others take the wheel when it comes to poetry since it's something that I'm horrible at and don't feel comfortable critiquing, but I felt that I *had* to say something. I'm not going to nitpick this wonderful poem (I didn't see anything wrong with it at all) but rather fawn over it.

This is my favorite poem hands down. The subject matter is a touchy one and is something that I haven't seen often at all, probably because it's something people don't want to talk about it. The truth of the matter is, though, that this does happen. I give you huge kudos for writing this, and my heart goes out to everyone who has gone through something like this.

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aouther2b
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aouther2b commented Comment · Jul 30, 2013



trust your heart if the seas catch fire (and live by love though the stars walk backward)
— E.E. Cummings