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140,149 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hiya! My name is CrystalPony21 and I reviewed your work, Here is what I thought of it.
NEVER STOP! EVER! I love your poems! They fill my mind! Keep it up!
This doesn't make sense at all: "Her age beyond her years," age and years are the same thing. So this is wrong in many ways. Everything else was magnificent! I loved this too! This was the 2nd work of yours that I have reviewed and I love it even more than the last! I picked this one next because I felt a link in a way, I also notice you enjoy writing romance poems. This was wonderful! Take a nice big long pat on the back for yourself and a little old 'like' from me! Keep writing! I'll be Reading!
CrystalPony21
Hey just wanted to see if I could clarify your comment on "age beyond her years". It was meant to say age beyond her years as in she acts older or seems older than she really is. She had to grow up rather quickly so she may be only 12 (an example) but with hardships she is beyond that age.
Hope it helped and glad you liked the piece.
You're poem is so deep and thoughtful. They say the eyes are the gateway to a person's soul and I can imagine gazing in and seeing many hidden secrets as I read this. It some how reminds me of a friend of mine. She's popular, but she never acts like herself when she's with those type of people. She pretends to be someone else and that's the type of feel I got from this.
Your lines and flow very smoothly and make it easy to follow. However, the line "a flickering, fluttering, shimmer of hope" threw me off. The use of alliteration was brilliant since it caught the reader's attention for the climax.
I love this! I think it was really cool. I could sort of imagine the girl's eyes and looking into them, seeing what you're describing here. I feel like she's some sort of empty shell that lost hope but then your last verse just erases all that and shows she's not completely like that and there's some hope inside that empty shell. I loved the rhythm of the poem too!
I really liked the format of this poem, it made it more interesting and a better read. It made me think and reflect a lot about about my own life and it was nice that you could put it into words. But as this isn't about me I 'll move on. It was beatifully written and seemed to come straight from the heart. Keep writing!
Hey
I'm Rylee to review you poem n_n
So, the way you formatted it was pretty interesting. I'm not going to say I've never seen it before but I like the way your poem looks.
The rhyme scheme was kind of shaky and forced, and the number of lines changes between the first and second stanzas to the thrid and fourth. You already know that, or course, but I want to bring it to your attention that it makes the flow of the poem shaky and the rhythm is off.
Don't mean to be overly harsh or anything. This is a pretty quick fix, just don't force the rhymes. They should feel natural.
Hope this helps! Keep writing!
--Rylee