Your Broken Friend

One word WOW. if ur friends make u feel that way then leave them

Over all this poem was a real piece of art. I enjoyed the topic you picked even though it made me weep inside. I also enjoyed how you made each line flow into the next. So yes, this is an outstanding piece of poetry and if I had to grade it I would give you an (A).



P.S. This is the first piece of litature that I have read on this website. This is also my first review.

Hey there Speakerskat here to review for you !

I can really relate to this because I sometimes wonder if my friends are really my friends (especially after I just found out that my whole neighborhood-minus a few people-hate me.)
I felt that it did indeed flow quit smooth especially considering that it is a rough draft, however...
'I tell you I'm fine
When really I'm not
but holding back is easier, now that I've got

My pain subdued
By the numbness within
So please try to go on without your broken friend."

I really don't understand these last two stanzas and what you were trying to get at . It would help if you could clear this up in your final draft.It could also be taken to have a deeper meaning and I feel that really make this poem beautiful because it could also sort of be taken from a romantic prespective, I feel, and I can relate to that as well. Just a few gramatical errors but nothing major and I will leave that for someone else to review for you!

keep it up
~kat

I like the message this poem brings across, but I am going to focus on, mostly, mechanics.
You need to go back and put in punctuation. I do realize that, in some forms of poetry, no punctuation is a style. But you have punctuation at almost all of the ends of your stanzas, which leads me to believe that you just didn't think about where the rest of the punctuation needs to go, or don't have a handle on commas, semi colons, colons, and the other wonderful punctuation you have at your fingertips.
Second stanza, 'a' versus 'at.'
Check your apostrophes in some places.
Where you put commas instead of going to another line:
"I tell you I'm fine
When really I'm not
but holding back is easier, now that I've got"
I would make another line, even if it doesn't fit the form of the poem. And you continue sentences from one stanza to another, when the point of a stanza is that you are moving from one idea to another. It's like a paragraph. You don't create a sentence that spans two paragraphs, same with stanzas.

I really like the message you put across here, thanks for posting it.
PM me if you want me to go through it and show you what I mean when I say to add punctuation.
~Caeai

Just a few things to work on:

Content:
I found just a few lines didn't quite make sense.

"Other than my heart
Which bleeds faster each day,
Oh, how I wish things never had changed."
Read this. Why would it be other than my heart. It implies that you don't want it to change. Basically how I am reading this is "How is you life?" "Horrible, other than my heart bleeding everyday" See what I mean? Just a few words changed around could change this.

Structure:
Your structure is pretty consistant, I can't fin anything to really improve in this category.

Grammar:
Holding my "tounge"
Should be tongue. Just a little typo.

Keep working with it. You are doing great. Good luck and keep writing!
~Kay

Hello, this poem really brought to life the emotions of being betrayed and broken by a good friend. You used great rhymes that brought to life your poem, but they more importantly flowed with the rest of the poem. Giving it a good and appealing look to the reader, and it also made you think about life and being betrayed by a friend. The poem, was overall amazingly well done, and you should keep writing because you really have a talent for it. - Hsarver