The fire burns its brightest
When looked directly at.
Flames occur everywhere
and you cannot deny that,
Lighting, loving, and learning
how to grow big and strong,
fires burn eternal,
when they have somewhere to belong.
Yellow as daisy fields,
Pink as blushing cheek
Blue remains the hottest though,
Showing strong from the weak.
And though we char and burn,
Life goes on at last,
And those bright and dim flames
Are burning in the past.
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139,585 Literary Works • 672,611 Reviews
Sphealwithit here...
I liked this poem. It's lyrical (to me anyway).
There are a few errors here that i wont waste your time with but I will say read through everything more than twice. Taking gaps so you can look at it with fresh eyes each time.
All in all it's a good poem and it flows well so keep up the good work
Sphealwihtit out....
Great poem! You really gave a whole new insight about fire, and it was a fantastic one!
In this line: Pink as blushing cheek I think you should make it Pink as a blushing cheek or Pink as blushing cheeks. At the end, I think there should be a comma, as it's part of the yellow, pink, blue list.
In the line: And you cannot deny that, I think you should change cannot to a different word that flows more, because when I read it, I think it seems hard to say. Maybe try can't.
In the line Fires burn eternal, I would remove the comma from the end since the next line continues the same sentence.
Hey there aouther2b! :3
I love your poem!
You have used Imagery really well. My favorite lines were,
"And though we char and burn,
Life goes on at last,"
and
"fires burn eternal,
when they have somewhere to belong."
It's a great poem but there are tiny errors like capitalization.
At the beginning of every line, the first letter of the first word should be capitalized. I think there should be a full stop after "how to grow big and strong" and a comma after "Pink as blushing cheek." Other than that I don't really see any flaws.
But I did not understand what you meant by
"And those bright and dim flames
Are burning in the past."
and
"Showing strong from the weak."
It's great poem. Well done! I really love the depth of this poem.
Keep writing,
Gigi