Daddy prays a silent prayer
For Mommy to come back to him.
But Mommy left so long ago
and we haven’t seen her since.
Pictures gone
Letters torn
all as if Mommy was never born.
A short lived breath,
Miles away,
A shotgun death
couldn’t make her stay.
And a shotgun death
wont bring her home,
but I pick up Daddy’s gun
from a man who didn’t know.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,460 Literary Works • 672,931 Reviews
What a depressing poem! This genuinely made me sad-such an innocent viewpoint, made clear by the "daddy" over "dad" (I still call my dad daddy, but that is despite the point...)
Usually at this point in a review I would write my favorite lines and explain them. For my favorite lines, look at the poem above. This is a touching poem, and I pity any father who reads it.
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!
I could feel a great amount of emotion and power inside this poem. It was just great to read and the words flowed ever so easily off the page - or computer screen. Your ending
was in fact the most powerful lines in this poem. I cannot really say anything that hasn't been said other than it was very sad and heartfelt. All in all a great read and you've done a great job here.hey there, quick review for ya.
I seem to always end up reviewing the saddest poems! I guess they are my favorite. the last two lines were my favorite, as they were unexpected. I really have felt that way before, and when poems can remind you of feelings, they've done their job. I liked how only a few lines rhymed, almost as if you were going to make it rhyme, but you were to sad to care if the entire thing rhymed. it was probably just the way you wrote it, but I liked it nevertheless.
"Pictures gone, letters torn" suggests that all he has done was try to forget her, but as many people painfully know, it's not that simple, and absence makes the heart grow fonder, which can tragically result in the ending of your poem.
I liked it a lot. It had a strong message, and an innocence about it that was whole throughout.
Keep it up!
This poem is fantastic. Such great meaning and use of words. It flowed off the tongue very well and had such great feeling. The use of two word lines made a really effective hit on the poem. I liked
A short lived breath,
Miles away,
A shotgun death
couldn't make her stay.
because of how powerful it really is. The next part just brings that pain of sadness into the poem. And since it seems to be from the perspective of a young child, it conveys strong emotions. I really liked this poem, very deep, very strong. Keep up the good work!
First of all this was pretty deep. Very good in my opinion. It's a really nice poem. No i don't really understand what it is about but i kind of get the gist of it. I would like to see more like this in the future from you please. Thank you.