Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,460 Literary Works • 672,931 Reviews
Magnificent. Easily one of the best conversation-poems I've read, and I read a lot of them. The emotion in the poem was epicly delivered. Loved it.
Oh. My. God. I loved this poem so much. I think it was because I constantly relate to it. It feels BEAUTIFUL. <3
Emotional. So emotionally powerful without really trying hard. The repetition gives it a really... dunno, like a steady drumbeat. Very obviously a conversation. I will say, I wasn't delighted with the quotations around the 'I'm sorry' 's, but that doesn't change my thought on the piece. I really want to see more of your work.
Oof! I feel completely on the receiving end of this, as I can remember the times when I've said sorry and REALLY tried to change and couldn't bring myself to do so for whatever reason. That said, though I understand what it feels like to want to change, I don't actually know what it feels like to hear "I'm sorry" over and over and expect the change but not get it. I would like to feel more of that emotion from this poem, as right now it seems like a rather shallow introduction to the topic. Like "sometimes people promise to change and they don't" instead of "i feel like i am disowning a helpless puppy, but how can this person learn how to live if i don't force them to get away from me and my softness?"
I think that fault largely lies in the form. I mean, it's nice and snappy, but it stays shallow because you've got to use words that are common enough to rhyme and work with the meter. I think if you were to try it another way (free form!?) you might hit on the emotion I want, but that's personal preference.
I will say that the strongest part of this is "It's just the way you live". It's got a very strong finality to it. A belief that could be contested by the other side, which brings out conflict in the reader and evokes a tip of the emotion I'm looking for. Were you game to try it again, I'd start there.
PM me or wall post me questions or comments, okay? I don't receive notifications for replies to reviews! Good luck and push on~