We teach our childrento love
to hate
to give
to take
but do we teach them
what it means for the other person?
Do we teach our children
That an act of love can change someone’s life and that we spend our lives searching for that person who can love you more than themselves.
That acts of hate drive people over the edge, are beyond unreasonable because no one knows that persons story entirely, except for that person, and to hate someone for who they are, where they came from, or what they think is as harmful as a bullet in the head.
That giving can mean more than physical things. Trust is something you must earn and if you give it away walls will build up faster than those things that tear them down. And the more you give to someone the more you impact their life, and you can only hope for the better.
That taking a life doesn’t always mean holding the gun to their head, its whispering for them to pull the trigger. The minute you take something from someone they have lost what they believed would always be theirs and unless they give it to you, you have stolen a piece of someone.
Do we teach our children
to love
to hate
to give
to take
Or are we teaching them
how to make irreversible
mistakes.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hey there, aouther2b!
I personally found that your poem was rather good, you should be proud of this writing piece, my friend!
There was a lot of feeling and emotion being reflected through the words of this poem, but that only added to the clear message you were trying to send to potential readers. It was a very emotional read, but almost informative as much of the ideas you presented were sadly true about how some people choose to treat others and not to mention the reality of the world we live in.
I appreciate your poem's message and I hope you enjoyed writing it just as much as I enjoyed reading it!
MissLyricz x
Hey! Cello here!
I really loved the message here and I agree with everything stated. It's a wonderful lesson you're trying to convey but I think there are a few things that could be done better.
Minor mistake- just throw in a space!
First off, this big statement should be a question, as you're asking the reader if we teach this to out children. Secondly, the last part of the second line (" we spend our lives searching for that person who can love you more than themselves") feels a bit out of place. It doesn't really go with the whole 'We teach our children to give' (Or were you aiming for the 'teach them to love') category. (You say hate, take, and give in the top, love hate, give and take in the bottom. Maybe make it consistent). "We spend our lives searching for that person who can love you more than themselves" feels more like a personal experience than an 'everyone goes thorough it' type of thing. Some people strive for money, power, friendship, or self-confidence in life. On that note, some people don't even experience romantic attraction. Maybe you were aiming for friendship instead but still, not everyone find comfort in others.
Hmm. Technically all of these paragraphs are questions. Not sure how you want to approach that so I'm just going to leave it up to you. "That acts of hate drive people over the edge" Okay, I'm going to try to explain something but probably just confused you (And my myself). This sentence, as a whole, is pretty much a verb. You need it to be a noun for it to work in the position it's in. Try "That acts of hate that drive people over the edge" Now 'drive people over the edge' is an attachment to 'acts of hate' and boom! Now it works! Also change "Bullet in the head' to 'bullet in their head'. It makes things more personal.
Hmm. Not sure if I'm reading this right but what I'm getting it 'Trust a ton of people, then things will get better instead of worse'. I usually hear the opposite of this, "Trust a select few instead of giving trust to anybody." Maybe that's what you're aiming for but I'm honestly not sure. If it is though, I'd suggest some different wording.
You added 'to love' into the selection. I would either take it out or add it to the first part. Again, this is a question. 'Are we'. Just change the ending period to a question mark.
Keep up the amazing work!
-ChocolateCello