Young Writers Society

Hey ... so, yeah, it's me again
So, I REALLY liked your poem. It's something that i can totally relate to.

The theme wasn't something really different or unique, but the way you wrote it down, I guess, is what I liked.

I feel that the last two lines of your poem, that is, the ending- Why did you leave me?
What did you gain?- could have been better. The ending could have been ....more powerful, I guess. Still, nice work

Please don't feel offended or anything. I think that you did a great job here, but I am just giving my suggestions.

Keep writing, stay amazing

Meh...if I'm to be frank, I'm a little surprised that this has been featured.

That's not to say that this is a bad poem, but it certainly isn't anything new. The rhyme scheme is a little maudlin, the idea's overworked, and it steps over the line of cliche more than once. It's not a bad poem, it's just...tired.

I would've liked to see you step out of the box and do something different. Perhaps it's just not my cup of tea, but I found it as a whole unsatisfying.

Keep writing, and best wishes. xx

Uh, I like it. Kind of surprisingly so, actually, because I'm not real big on structure, and this poem is so structured it seems retro-fitted. [I learned that word in science class.] Anyway, so I liked it. There's one thing though, this guy, that I'm not as fond about:

"You changed your mind though.
Decided I was wasn't worth it to you.
You crushed my heart with your hands,
and there was nothing I could do"

because I think "Decided I wasn't worth it to you" is just too long, or incorrect somehow syntactically. Compared in particular to the companion stanzas, I feel it's ever so slightly out of place. Not overwhelmingly so, but in poetry, these often must go through a refining state.

Additionally, I must mention my impression of the diction considering, well, I dunno. Words are important. So, I get the jist of the poem, it's very outright, simple diction. Nothing is truly out of the ordinary with this poem, so truthfully, I can't say this poem is something extraordinary. I can't call it show-stopping, but it's a good one. I'll nod my head thoughtfully and snap at the end of it because, dang it, that was pretty alright. *nods head and snaps*

So I think what I'm saying is that although it wasn't exceptional, there was something very nice about it. It was a good poem. I like it. Keep on doing what you're doing.

Definitely an emotional piece. It isn't easy wrapping up your feelings into a few letters and words, but that's what I love about poems. Especially yours. Great work, and though I know the message is bitter, it forces me to think about your situation and put me into your shoes. Following what GeeLyria said, the only issues I found were with punctuation. The content is great and i enjoyed the read. Just remember the little stuff to polish it off!

+Alwins

Overall it was really good. I could feel the emotion behind the words you wrote. Keep writing.

Hi there, aouther2b!

Being totally honest here, this is one of the best poems I've read on this site. It made me feel so welcome as a reader; it even sounds like a song when I read it aloud. I need to congratulate you, because I'm usually picky when it comes to poetry, and you have done a Fantastic job! I loved every single word of it.

However, I don't appreciate the lack of uniformity when it comes to the punctuation. I noticed you punctuate properly in some stanzas, but it is not consistent; as if you forgot you needed to punctuate all the sentences. That's the only thing I have to criticize. I suggest you to read your piece over again, looking forward to find a home for those little missing commas. ;] If you do that, you will show you really know what you're doing when you write a poem. And trust me, that's something you want to show to whoever reads your writings (whether if it's a professor, a normal reader, an editor, or your mom).

I hope I've expressed myself correctly. However, if you have any questions, feel free to contact me. <3

~GeeLyria