Let me

by aouther2b

  • Poetry
  • Romantic

Published December 2, 2012

In Poetry

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Let me sit here and watch you walk away.
Pretend like you never intended it,
Like you never wanted those bruises
The black and blue to cover my heart.
 
Let me stand here and wait.
Hold onto the moments that time forgets,
Watch the hands of the clock slowly
Ticking out all the joy
 
Let me lie here and cry.
Curl up and hold my bleeding heart,
The red soaking the white of the sheets below.
It’s remains shattered far beyond repair
 
Let me run around the world for you.
To toss my dreams into the endless sea,
To jump in after them, thinking freedom comes with it
Only to find I’m drowning with no chance of safety.
 
Let me dream without nightmares.
Allow me to sleep without fear
That you just around the corner
Ready for the kill
 
Let me say goodbye.
Allow me to breathe,
For every second, minute, day that your here,
There is a weight, you, lying on my heart, stopping its steady beat.
Comments & reviews · 5
User avatar
Innergy
Review
Innergy wrote a review Review · Dec 3, 2012

This is a nice poem. It has feeling and a tad bit of regret as well, but overall it's a nice breath of a poem. It has moments of (I need to clear some mental space) type of thing and the title as well as the central theme fits it perfectly. I enjoy these type of poems as well as all types. This is a rather simplistic work of art that has complex feelings and emotions but many of those feelings are sometimes hard to express which also makes this poem more enjoyable. Good Work : )

User avatar
indieeloise
Review
indieeloise wrote a review Review · Dec 3, 2012

Hello!

I really like the repetition you used to begin each of your stanzas. "Let me.." gives an air of a certain passivity that is expressed in your character's actions. Wonderful!


"Let me run around the world for you
To toss my dreams into the endless sea
To jump in after them thinking freedom comes with it
Only to find I’m drowning with no chance of safety"

I just thought this stanza was beautiful - very clear, and the imagery spoke volumes to me.


My only "complaint" (and its not even a complaint, really) is that there isn't much of a rhythm from one stanza to the next, and that may have been intended so that is fine.

Keep writing~

Indie.

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writingmyheartout
Review
writingmyheartout wrote a review Review · Dec 3, 2012

Ok so I really liked it, but periods would help the reader understand the flow of the poem. Because I was reading it out loud to understand the rythm and I was having trouble knowing when to stop or pause. Other than that great imagery and descriptions, keep writing love!:)

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nevanoel
Review
nevanoel wrote a review Review · Dec 2, 2012

Hey! So you have been giving me some great reviews on my pieces, and I wanted to return the favor. I'm not the best at poetry, but I'll try my best. :D

I feel like the flow of the piece is a bit slow, but it picked up as you continued writing.

Your imagery was divine, and I soaked up all of your descriptions. They were just extremely impacting.

Personal favorite: The red soaking the white of the sheets below

I felt that your poem was strongest in the end. Those last few lines really stuck with me. The perfect punch to wrap it all up.

It is a great poem, and I really connected with it. I can't wait to read what you write next!

Neva

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SmileILoveYou
Review
SmileILoveYou wrote a review Review · Dec 2, 2012

I love this. You've gotten your point across and really kept me engaged all the way through.



I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities.
— Dr. Seuss