Black and Blue

Hey there, it's been quite a while since I've read anything of yours,

It's quite hard to not appreciate the simplicity of this poem. It's clean, the words are simple, and it's straightforward, so I applaud you for that. However, because of its simplicity, I feel like it's not the most original it could be, dear.

Poems about abuse (of any sort; emotional, physical, etc.) are fairly common, and in them, words like "tearful", "cold hearted" and "vicious" ring about quite often to the point where they've become cliches. For that reason, I want to suggest using synonyms and metaphors to tell us this story.

That said, I highly appreciate your rhyme scheme. You did well to keep it even and you didn't make it come off as forced.

Two thumbs up,
June

woah great job..I mean it has a simple yet amazing effect if that makes since..haha:p anyway, it's awesome.

I think the first two stanzas are wonderful. I really enjoyed the rhyming scheme you used too.
I'd look again just at the last stanza. On it's own I don't think there would be as much of a problem, but in the first two stanzas you established a a distinct meter, both number of syllables, and stressed/unstressed syllables. It's musical and rolls. The last stanza keeps it for the first two lines, and the third one (pretty much). But the vicious laughs line seems like a little stumble. Can't exactly put my finger on it, but even here it's still really minor and I didn't notice right away. Then the last two lines seemed out of place. Instead of A, A, none, none, A (rhyme scheme) like the others, this one goes "A, A, none, none, none, A". It threw the consistency of the rhyming, and then after putting off the final rhyme further than usual already, the last line seems really long because it delays it again. The rhythmic, lyrical quality that you used so beautifully the whole time get's thrown out the window.
If it's an artistic choice, to kind of make the reader stop and stumble and pause, I see how that could have really strong effect. However, I'd leave it until the last line so that the switch is abrupt and jarring, instead of ramping up to make the ending anticlimactic.
Sorry I wrote so much negative stuff. I think it has a whole lot of potential and could be really good with just a few tweaks to the end, and I wanted to really explain my reasoning.
Good luck!

Okay first off I would like to introduce myself, I am Skye and I will be reviewing your piece today! I want to start off by saying that it is simply beautiful with the way the flow goes all the way up to the ending line. And this makes me wonder if you made it like this on purpose, or if you were having trouble figuring out what to write. If you agree, I would say to cut off a little piece of the line, make it into "what I mean to you". It has the same flow, same point, ending, and same words. Just cut off to make it flow right.

Now that that is out of the way, I would like to say that you did such an amazing job! I really enjoyed it! And even though it didn't have much description (of course it isn't supposed to though), it really painted an image in my mind that followed with it. Your spelling is flawless from what I see, but your punctuation and capitals seem to be a little off. Maybe this is how you write, if it is please just ignore this little tip! You start out each stanza with "Black and blue" (loved that by the way) except for blue being capitalized in the first two and then not in the second. In my opinion blue shouldn't be capitalized. Last negative thing I noticed is the punctuation, there isn't any except at the end of each stanza, I would consider thinking about putting a period after "Black and blue" is all.

Alright, it seems that I have wrote you a long review and that it is just dragging on, so I am going to wrap this up now! I really loved your piece, you have gained a new follower, and I can't wait to see more of your work! I hope that none of my tips offended you, I apologize if it does.

~Skye~

Omgad I can totally relate to this. Unfortunately I know exactly what feel you're channeling :/ Its so emotional, I remember the pain like it was yesterday. This one made me tear up. I love this one, your writing is incredible and it really touched my heart. Keep posting <3 xxxx

Hey there, winter here to give a review! So here it is.

This was a very good and short poem. I liked how you made the start of each stanzas. That's really good!
But, I'd like to see, either each line with a capital or not, just so its all the same.

"Black and Blue
Swollen too
Tearful eyes
mean nothing
to you."

I like how you started it off, it really got me in, and I wanted to read more, which I did!
I know, its short, but I'm not the best at this.
Over all, great work, and keep it up, I really enjoyed it.

~Winter

Hi there aouther2b, Roxy here to review!

It is a very touching poem, you can feel the emotion oozing out of everyword, which is ideal!
I like how you started off each stanza with the same line, "Black and Blue" (you should however fix the first line on the last stanza so that the "b" of "blue" is also capital like the other two "blues") you pulled it off well in this poem, because not every poem can!

I also think that you should either start off every line with a capital letter or only have the first line of each stanza starting with a capital, cause at the moment you have a mix of big and small letters which doesnt look great!

The last stanza works well on its own, but not with the rest of the poem, the first two stanzas only have 11 words in each, while the last stanza has basically double that! Its a bit inconsistent with the rest of the poem, even regaurding rhyming, so while its great on its ownsome, it doesnt really suit here!

It is a lovely emotional poem however with great potential!
Keep up the good work!

Alright, I'll be doing a quick review of your poetry:

For the most part it flows pretty well until it gets to the last stanza. Everything rhymes until there. If you are going to make a poem rhyme, consistency is key. Poems don't have to rhyme but when most of it is, it needs to finish that way. Here it just looks like you slapped an ending onto a poem. Also, I would shorten the last line or reword it.

Keep writing!
~Kay

This is really a nice poetry. You try to say much more with the help of these few words. you just arise here a conditional meaning of words. YOU well played with the emotions. This is your strength, I want to say something about this poetry in my style:-
"This poem is nothing,Nothing the words.
You write with emotions, Emotion is something.
So this poetry is anything."
Thanks for writing.

Hi, Aouther2b ^-^
Firstly, this is really nice c: It rhymed nicely at first: "Black and Blue
Swollen too"

but then the line: Tearful eyes..."mean nothing
to you."
The last part kind of fell flat just a tinny tiny bit.
This part was my favorite: "Black and Blue
Nothing new
cold hearted
words that
ring true."
The only thing that threw me off was that it all rhymed, except the last part didn't quite. Other than that, with some polishing, this has a lot of potential ^-^
Thanks for the read, and keep writing c:
Catnip~~~

okay I think the only problem I have is with the second stanza. The lines make it a bit odd to read, the last two lines specifically. I adore the feeling running through this poem and the way it has been conveyed. Just a few days back I read a similar sort of poem, it was about break up and a hurt soul, but it was so simple and un-original. I am glad you could come up with something different on a similar kind of topic. I liked it. Cheers.

I can understand this poem its sadness is something I'm used to I know what this poem means to me but the question I have is what does it mean to you?