Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
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139,585 Literary Works • 672,611 Reviews
Wow! This is amazing and real! I feel like there is someone in front of doing that and I can picture it perfectly. The details are simple yet perfect and yet when I read it I want to cry great job and keep writing so I can review,,
this poem is great and good things come in little packages. I really like the fact that it is not really long, so it kept my interest. The words are really deep and meaningful and it does have a really moving effect to it.
"This screaming silence"
I really like this line of the poem because it says so much about it. You can infer a lot from this line. It's a really good oxymoron to use and I 'm looking forward to reading more of the work you're hopefully going to make.
keep up the good work.
IvyLeonora xx
I loved this, first of all. And to avoid mindless praise, I'll tell you exactly why.
I had a friend in 8th grade who cut himself and I could never understand why he did what he did until I read your poem. You eloquently portray the pain so simply, and it's beautiful. Great poems do not need a whole ton of useless words. Great poems use every word to paint a picture, and that's exactly what you did. Congratulations, this poem is beautifully moving, hauntingly simplistic and horrifyingly real.
Extraordinary. No review, of course. But I thought I'd let you know.
Good.
Hey I'm Elizabeth1 and I'm here to give you a review!
The first thing that popped into my head while reading your poem was "Wow, this is a really powerful poem". You truly capture the temporary relief and feeling self harm gives individuals. Honestly there's not much that I would tell you to change because I honestly like the poem a lot. Your poem is short and straight to the point, yet it is filled with deep emotion that is felt with self harm.
However I will suggest that adding more description or changing up some of your words can really make this poem more powerful. For example:
1."Bite your lip, and make a fist" you can add more descriptive words to make the reader feel as if they were the person self harming, "bite hard on your lip, and make a tight fist".
2."Watch the red form a beaded line" you can change to "watch the fury red drip into a beaded line"
Brilliant interpretation of self harm, it would be fantastic if you made it more personal but that aside it is a truly well done piece of writing.
First of all, wow. This is really poignant. which the short length helps with. I feel like the brevity of your poem really helps convey how briefly the relief given by self-harm is felt. The one thing I might change just to make it a bit more powerful right from the get-go, when you say: "Bite your lip,/ and make a fist," it might add to the overall tone a bit more if you said "bite down on your lip,/ tightly clench your fist."