Young Writers Society

This was a wonderful poem! I absolutely loved it, some of it seemed slightly rough but that is all easily fixed.

I would love to see more of your work. Ill come back and do a more in depth review later

This was great, you had great emotin and very wonderful image. Keep writing
Very relatable , i went through the same thing.

Hey there!

I loved your poem how it's emotional and about a friendship with someone it is really good. I like it how you didn't make it rhyme after every line. Your title suits this really well and I hope you keep writing.

Hey there, friend.

While I can certainly relate to the feelings in this poem, I think it could use some reworking. Because it's such a serious topic, I feel like your rhyme scheme isn't really working here. In my head, I can't ignore the lilting rhythm. It skips happily, and this isn't a happy poem.
In some stanzas, it seems to me that your rhyme scheme is controlling what words you use (especially in the fourth stanza). If I were you, I'd try out some stronger words in free verse, and then if you can make a rhyme with those words, put a meter and rhyme scheme back in. But this one isn't really doing it for me.
I do like the slant rhyme in the second to last stanza. It's nice. You don't see many slant rhymes anymore. I also like the collecting dust metaphor you use there. Perhaps you could make that a bigger deal?
The first stanza suggests that you're going to describe the specific place where you two used to meet, but you never really get around to it. The most you say is that it's "open and free" and that you'd run "under the moon and the sun/ the wind pushing through our hair." This can describe many places. When I write things like this, I focus on a particular thing I can find at the place I want to describe. Is there a certain tree you sat under? Or a certain type of flower that grew there (I'm assuming this is outside, since it's under the moon and sun)? Mention that and make it special.
Also, you spend one stanza on why you didn't want to be at home. Perhaps make that a bigger deal, too. Focus on more specifics, like I suggested above. A specific situation that made screaming and yelling occur. The more images, the more realistic the poem becomes.
I can see that you do have potential. I hope this helped. Happy writing!

Hey there, Aouther! I'm going to give you a quick, stanza by stanza review. I'm a tad bit dreary, so I hope I can think coherently long enough for this to be helpful.

Stanza One!

The first stanza is great. It flows well, and it's nice and quick. You really do a good job guiding us into the poem. Nice job!

Stanza Two!

This stanza is very emotional, you do a good job expressing how the narrator feels. One thing that did stand out is the third line. You say 'screams' instead of 'screaming'. It might just be me, but it seemed to jump out at my face, and briefly drew me out of the poem.

Stanza Three!

I enjoyed this stanza until the last line. It felt a little week compared to how well you express yourself through the rest of it. It serves its purpose, but I think you could find something a little more emotional to put here.

Stanza Four!

Once again, you're going strong until the last line. I feel like fun is a weak adjective here.

Stanza Five!

This stanza was very well written. Nice job! There's really nothing I can point out at the moment that could improve it.

Stanza Six!

This was easily your best stanza. I loved it! It sums up the poem well, and it sticks to the tone of abandonment. Great job!

I enjoyed reading your poem. It was very well written, and you have a strong poem to work with. Keep up the good work! Feel free to PM if you need anything.