Dressed in midnight,
Holding so tight
to flowers of white.
Standing before you.
If only we knew,
Why this nightmare came true
Your life written in stone,
Far away from your home.
The door now forever closed.
Two years written down; start, end.
Too long now, without my friend.
Part of this never ending trend.
Strangled goodbyes fall on deaf ears.
Wanting just to hold you near,
Blocking out the deepest fears.
The unseen signs that you gave.
The people you forgave,
Standing beside your grave.
You left a silent song
Playing on and on
And I can’t press pause.
If I stop the track
You can’t come back
and end this act.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,016 Literary Works • 672,851 Reviews
Hi aouther2b, this is Dream with review on your poem. First of all, happy review day!
I see that you tried to use rhythm in each lines of the poem. Some look fit and beautiful, but there are parts that seem less impact in meaning even though with the the same rhythm. What kind of poem you want to write? It is free verse or something else. I know YWS format does not allow you to do it, but I recommend that you copy into google translate and paste into YWS. I use this way to make verses in the poem.
But you just amaze me with these lines. I can see the rhythm bonded and make a perfect sound/tone within them. Good job!
I also like the imagery you use here. You can entirely imagine/ pictures the mood with concrete words. It makes the readers experience things vividly.
The same with the figurative languages you use to deepen the meanings of your poem.
Personification- Strangled goodbyes fall on deaf ears.
Symbol/Allegory-
It has a deep meanings inside which is it mean what is it, but at the same time it represents something else too. Although the surface story or desription may have it own interest, the author’s major interest is in the unterior meaning. Poet might say about his friend who had died then lost contact with her (The door now forever closed.)
Overall, very interesting poem to read. It gives impact to me with the theme and the tone of voice with exellent diction used. Keep it up! Kudos,cheers.
This is a really great poem and it is a art of vision. I love the lines "Your life written in stone,
Far away from your home.
The door now forever closed." it was deep and i liked it. The message that this poem conveys is well written in this form. I hope you write more like this because it is very well written.
I haven't done this in a while, so I'm sorry if I'm a little unsteady in my reviewing.
I love the poem. It's one that I would copy down somewhere (like on my wall) to read again and again. I like how I had to read to the end to get to the best part. I don't mean that the beginning was weak, but the ending was strong, and I love that.
Honestly, I don't see anything that I would change. Great job
[I see that it didn't even count as a review...oh, well. I'll figure it out one of these days]
Hi, aouther2b. Cheetah here, ready to review your piece.
I agree with @emjayc and @therealme, this was very emotional. It was beautiful. I think this was the best section:
That part took my breath away when I read it. This was truly an amazing poem. Thank you for sharing and keep writing!
I agree one hundred percent with therealme. This is a great poem and you convey the emotion behind it quite well. It was moving to read and the rhythm flowed well throughout. I specifically like the opening line to the poem; it's beautiful imagery. I'd perhaps write some constructive criticism, but, in my humble opinion, there is nothing that I really see needing revision.
Wow! This is such an incredible poem. It carries a lot of emotion and your rhyming is excellent.
I actually had tears in my eyes while reading this.
Very good work!