If my mind gave me peace
I would only ever dream
And forever live in my head.
But alas, it doesn't
And the storm must rage on,
Despite the weariness in my bones.
The mind knows not
Of the harm it causes
Only of the harm done to it.
And the torrents of rain
That fall from my eyes,
Do nothing but confirm this.
If only I knew how to brave this storm
To make this nightmare come to an end.
If only I knew how to still an agile mind,
Then I could be my own friend.
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Canary word: Present
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128,792 Literary Works • 671,494 Reviews
Hot dog, I like this.
I am a person who loves rhyming in poetry.. So free verse is a bit of a hardship for me to do. Anyways.. I really like this poem! I like how you stated what you wanted to come out and everything seemed to flow from your heart, which is good! Keep up the good work and remember. The only way to improve on your writing is to write a bunch!
-Ariana (The Silver Lady)
Hiya! Im EmoChikXoX!
I must say, I do like your poem. I like it a lot. I like your description that you have used, it adds a lot of depth to it. I especially like how you talk about storms and rain, it shows me that there is more going on inside peoples minds than we realise.
Im blown away, I just think that this poem is great!
Keep it up!
~EmoChikXoX
(sorry its a bit short :L)
Hiya! Im EmoChikXoX!
I must say, I do like your poem. I like it a lot. I like your description that you have used, it adds a lot of depth to it. I especially like how you talk about storms and rain, it shows me that there is more going on inside peoples minds than we realise.
Im blown away, I just think that this poem is great!
Keep it up!
~EmoChikXoX
(sorry its a bit short :L)
Hi!
The poem that you did is really nice
I like the way you express yourself and your words are really strong.
The way you convey your words is really nice and the feeling is really there.
Keep up the good work and keep writing!
Hi aouther2b,so here is Dark to give review on your poem.
I like the style of language you use in your poem.And I also sense a theme in your poem is very interesting. It is about the connection between mindset with yourself.The details you give here make it clear and understandable.
# But alas, it doesn't
And the storm must rage on,
Despite the weariness in my bones.
You have a very strong diction here also well-written in each lines.I really enjoyed reading your poem here.Keep it up and keep writing here in YWS.
Kudos,cheers
~Dark
LOVEEEEEEEEEEEE
First of all, I love the point you're making, of putting yourself down, hating yourself for hating yourself, that type of stuff. It was beautifully put together, with the rhyming and the beautiful message. You conveyed it perfectly in my eyes. I love the descriptions you wrote about the storm, and coming back to the raging storm idea later in the poem. Purely beautiful. Yes, I do think it needs a little work, maybe do something different in the "And live forever in my head" part, cause it sounds a little odd to me. However, I hate judging this type of poetry because it's all about the feelings the author has, and it isn't really fair to judge their interpretation of the perfect analogy for how they feel. Because feelings are not to be judged. EVARRRR.