Release

Hey there aouther2b!

I absolutely love this poem!

I love the depth and the meaning of it.

If I'm correct, "the soft white" is skin? Because it says "trying not to drip in on my bed" which means that the sheet is not stained yet. .-.
The next stanza means that you are cutting yourself with your door locked and nobody in the house knew about it.
The third stanza is that you don't cut yourself for pain and neither is anyone particularly responsible for your actions. You only do it to free yourself. It is like an escape from reality and everything.

Great poem! Well done!

Keep writing,
Gigi

Interesting poem-deep! I like the way it's quite 'abrupt' and 'sharp' like a razor if you get what I mean. When I read it I said the lines in my head as 'Trying not to drip------it on my bed'. What I'm saying is it didn't quite flow to me but then it depends on how you read it I guess. What is the 'soft white'? I guessed the sheet...

Well done!

tiggpanda145

I really like this poem and I'm assuming it's about a self harmer. Though I am not one myself, I have a friend who is and she always tells me, it is a release. So I am literally moved by this poem. As well as that, i enjoy the fact that you used the rhyme really well.
You did well and kept it short and sweet.
"Nobody's fault
And not for pain.
I do this
for what I gain"
I like this as it tells me how you feel when you do this. (not particularly you BTW)
So i'd be willing to read more of your work.
PS the title is amazing. It got me captivated right away.

Goodness gracious. This is an, oddly enough, freaky poem. Its very interesting, very deep. I enjoyed it a lot. Its not too hard to understand what it is about but also, its confusing. But not in a way which leaves you so lost. I quite honestly liked it.
Please keep writing!

The Little Storm Writer,
GG

Hey great work with keeping the pattern.
would of loved it if you had conveyed more emotion, but considering the style of poem that would of been a little hard. I liked you had a story in mind and you let it progress. all in all i liked it

A fairly decent attempt. An extra bonus for maintaining the rhyme scheme.
It comes across as a pretty balanced work. Not too dark. A right blend of projecting the emotions in the most vivid style.
Cheers!

I love the simplicity of this poem. I also love the story behind it. It's mature and it happens in reality. It speaks a lot considering it only has four short stanzas. Your word choice is good. I think you did a great job with this poem.

Loving the mature content right now. I'd rather not tear it up (as if I could) it's not bad.
The poem is an enigma, you can't see what the soft white object is. You can only imagine it. Yup that's screams enigmatic. The rhyme is fine. Or should I say, perfect for this poem. I think it didn't need to have constant rhyme. Absolutely love it.
~Dark

Hey, aouthor2b! This is a great poem! I really enjoyed reading it. I think it's a great portrayal of what it's like for someone to cut themselves. I especially liked how it didn't quite answer any questions the reader might have. You leave the reader to wonder how cutting releases you. Your approach at the topic was also good. In the third stanza, I liked your reasoning as to why you do what you do.

One thing that I might want to look at is the first stanza
"The soft white
Now stained with red,
Trying not to drip
it on my bed."

from the first two lines, it sounds like the blood just did drip on your bed, yet the last two lines say you try not to. It's a bit unclear if, by "the soft white," you mean the bed, your own skin, the carpet, etc. You might want to consider clarifying that.

Other than that, great poem!

-Alexa

Hello Aouther2b! PumpkinCat here with a review of "Release". First of all I CAN really see why this is rated Mature and I kind of guessed what it would be about when I read the title... This is a subject that isn't really out there and I guess your taking a big risk on posting this but good work anyways. Any who the only thing I noticed that was off was maybe the flow It's something about it. I think it originates around the second stanza. Anyways Aouther2b Good work! 7/10 Don't Stop Writing! ~PC

This is such a serious matter to write poetry about, but you crafted it in a way that made it easier to understand. This subject can never be beautiful, but the way this is written makes it seem so.
My favorite stanza is the final one,
"Control and peace,
Freedom free,
As this razor
Releases me."
It finishes it in a blunt way, but so as it seems finished.
My least favorite stanza is the second. It is as brilliant as the others, but it doesn't seem to flow much.
"Door locked,
Secret safely kept,
I found calm
While they slept."
The second line of it doesn't sound right to me, and I think it is because it breaks the rhythm of it.
Overall, a brilliant poem, a delicate view of a serious matter and a beautiful take on it. I am looking forward to more of your work.
Lioness.

Hey,
I think this is fantastic!
You capture the feelings you are/were going through yet you do it very simply in a way a lot of people can understand.
In all honesty I have very little to critic grammar and structure wise, so great job.
I will however try and give you feed back on each stanza.

"The soft white
Now stained with red,
Trying not to drip
it on my bed."
- I like this stanza because it opens up the issue in such a wonderful way. You don't try to glorify it or make it into something complicated and confusing. It is simple and powerful because of the simplicity. You also have great rhyme.

"Door is locked
Secret safely kept.
I found peace
while they slept."
- I think this is my favourite stanza, that idea about keeping it secret, not wanting to tell your family or friends. I love that you have explored this idea. The only concern with this stanza is that it isn't as strong as the first. I think it is because the first has great rhyme and cadence that going from that to the second makes it seem bad. It is still great though.

"Nobody's fault
And not for pain.
I do this
for what I gain"
- ok, so this stanza is good, but a bit confusing. It is probably just me, but you should have some more punctuation. Apart from that great job!

"Control and peace
Freedom free,
As this razor
Releases me."
- Fantastic ending! That is all.

Overall:
This poem captures the feelings and experiences of the persona, you use simple language in such a way that adds layers and layers of depths to the story.
You also write in a way that makes the reader connect to the character. Wherever because they have been through this or simply because the way it is written makes a person emphasise with the persona

There really isn't much else to say because you have done a fantastic job!

Good luck and keep writing!!

Nargles xxx

Hi, aouther2b, alliyah is here to review your poem. I read your last poem that also had to do with self-harm, and although I thought the other one was very good out of the two I think I like this one better. You really do an excellent job, as has been stated by the other reviewer going through the mindset of someone engaged in that cycle of cutting. And if you're writing from experience, please know my heart goes out to you. I think there's deffinently a place for poetry like this out there, it's not just "a sad story" it's something that people who don't understand self-harm need to read, because if they don't understand how can they help? And I think that's what makes writing poetry like this noble, because it can be used for such a cause, to help people who struggle to understand why their friend of family member would do something like self-harm.
So onto the review:
The opening stanza=perfect!
"The soft white
Now stained with red,
Trying not to drip
it on my bed."
I like it, especially the imagery of 'soft white' because it makes me think of innocent, flawless, perfect, child-like and then how it's 'stained' again, you're not just describing a situation, but further painting the character and crafting a story. It also shows how thought-out the process is rather than reckless.

In the next stanza, I also like how innocent and child-like you're making the character seem.
I also like the next line, because the reader begins to feel protective of this character, and then *boom*: "Nobody's fault"
I think the capitalization worked in this, and the grammar as well.

The last stanza, I think needs to be re-worked possiblly.
"Control and peace
Freedom free,
As this razor
Releases me."
I know it'd probablly be difficult to put another word in place of the word "peace" but since you used it in the 2nd stanza, it'd be nice if you could add some more variation/depth by putting a different word, so I think you should consider that. Also I think when I read it the 1st time I mis-understood the 2nd line in this stanza, but I think it'd make it more clear if you put "Freedom for free".

Another thing I like about this poem is that the lines are very consistant in length, so there aren't any awkwardly worded ends sticking out. Great job! There's not much to criticize.

Thanks for posting, and I wish you luck with all your future writing!

~alliyah~

wow. i really liked this poem. it completely captures the reason and feeling behind self harm. what runs through your head. i like how its short but it gets the feeling and the point across. it shows how lonely and scary it can really be in a very short piece. wonderful job!