Young Writers Society

The first thing I thought when I read this poem was:stanzas. Try separating it into stanzas, just to save me from losing my mind. Otherwise, this was a very emotional poem, and I loved it. I like how you ask questions, but I seems like here are almost too many. Try t spread them out, then it will be great. Amazing work, though!

Hey there! Noir here, and I'll be your reviewer today. Let's rock.

First up, concept. The concept for this was dark and dreary, but it worked rather well. It's different from the cheerful stuff I typically read, and that, in this case, was refreshing.

Next up, rhythm. The rhythm for this poem was very good. The lines were all almost the same length syllable wise, and that made it catchy and easy to read. If there was a rhyme scheme, i'm sorry but I missed it. And there were a few times where I stumbled reading it.

Finally, grammar. I found no grammar mistakes, so good job!

Overall: It was dark but refreshing. The rhythm was good with only a few mess ups, and the grammar was excellent.

This gets my hyena rating of 9/10.

This has been NoirLumiere, and there's your review. Keep rocking.

I am not sure what you mean here by (are you a crushed skull) or the (Or are you the Hammer?).

And I don't see the point of it is what are you trying to say?.

You might have put some words in the wrong places to I think maybe.

Hmm these rimes don't rime that well.

Otherwise nice work and your punctuation is good a lot better than mine.

Keep writing and good luck.