When the sun falls through the windows,
and glistens against the glass.
Anxiety will creep upon me
and infest my fragile, morning mind.
I'll roll over and cry myself back into sleep.
This ungodly hour should not be a thing...
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,801 Reviews
hey alice,
I completly agree to the fact that "the ungodly hour" should be removed from all of our daily routines. Because for one, i know that we all would not mind an hour or so of extra sleep. Infact I'm sure we all with love it.anyways, your poem speaks the truth and is awesome ( as usual). It is something that we all can relate too.
so yeah, great jo there!
Fangirl~
Hi there AliceAfternoon! Niteowl here feeling somewhat obligated to review given my username.
Overall, this is short and the wording is on point. My comments are mainly about the grammar and punctuation.
First off, this isn't a sentence as written, but you could modify it a little bit to make it one. For example: "The sun falls through the windows, glistening against the glass."
Honestly, I think this whole piece would be better with a consistent present tense. You also don't need the comma after "fragile". You could also make it more concise with "Anxiety infests my fragile morning mind."
This line is pretty weak to end on. The phrase "a thing" strikes me as super casual. I would go for maybe a little more melodrama...something like "Oh why must I wake at this ungodly hour?" You might be able to come up with something better if you think about it.
Overall, this is a cute and all-too-relatable poem. Keep writing!
Thanks for this review! I can tell we have a bit of different styles of poetry but that's alright. Without difference our world would be one boring place.
Hello again, Alice. This was nice but a little short since you didn't rhyme but it was okay. I enjoyed your poem "Coffins" more since it flowed and had a constant rhythm. Poems can be tricky but since you've written them before I think you can do a better job. Maybe add some words that aren't commonly used. That'll help and just a personal preference, I think you should make it rhyme. I'm going to get a lot of back fire for saying this but I enjoy poems that rhyme so much more. Anyway, keep writing and never get discouraged!
~Keepwriting
Thanks