This is a really old poem, that I wrote a while ago, but lost. It's not that great, but I can try make it better.
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The world is my dream.
I do not live here,
but only rest.
I am not a being of this world,
But of one far away.
The world is where I rest.
The world is where I die.
But I will always live in my world.
For my world is immortal.
In my world, I have the power.
In this world,
I am not who I truly am.
Let me free.
I will do all that you can't imagine.
For my world is in my mind.
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Hey there! If you don't know who I am, I am RepublicofCoter and I will be your reviewer today.
As I was reading it, I felt as if something was missing-it didn't feel complete. You could probably extend on it by saying how this person's world is like and how they feel about. Make it more interesting for the reader and not the author. But, other then that, I enjoyed it but do what I've and others have said and it could be a quite impressing piece.
Good luck,
RepublicOfCoter
Huge potential here indeed. Delving in the duality of the reality and mind is limitless and could put to rest any questions readers might have of the narrator and the world he/she is living within. That is the great thing of finding old writings you do, going back and making them better with the newfound experience you get from growing.
Perhaps you could do a run through of the entire piece and ask yourself some questions: what is this world? Who is the narrator? Is there any symbolism that needs to be portrayed and maybe made more obvious for readers? Then, branch out from there and see where it leads you! The poem might turn out completely different afterward.
Hey there kingo! Around these here parts, they call me Lily!
Oops, typo!
So, this is very simple and I think you could take this further. I mean, you set this up to answer lots of questions about so world other than this one, and then you don’t really give us a whole lot. And why does this creature live out its dreaming in our world. With poetry, leaving a lot of unanswered questions can spell a lot of really befuddled readers.
Still, this has potential and I think you could take what you’ve learned since writing it and improve it greatly!
Any questions, just PM me and ask away!
~lilymoore