It seems that everything I want to post, is written at least a little at school. So here is another thing I have written.
Life. It is the thing that we despise. It is the thing that we lack. It is the thing that we long for. It is the thing that we have too much of. It is the thing that everybody wants. It is the thing that nobody needs. It is the solution for the problems it makes. It just depends on how you use it.
Death. It is what nobody wants to talk about. It is what everybody wants to avoid. It is the thing that everybody wants at some point. It is the thing that nobody wants to face. It is the thing that we all have to cope with. It is what we strive to rid. It just depends on how you act on it.
Joy. It is in both life and death. It shows what we were happy for in life. It shows what we are happy to end suffering for. It is what makes everything different. It what everyone sees differently. It is how we want to have always in our lives. It is what shapes our views. It is just what we see it in.
Pain. It is in both life and death. It shows what we must cope with. It is what everybody must live with. It is what everybody will die with. It is what everybody knows. It is faced differently by everybody. It is acted on differently. It is just how we cope with it.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,832 Reviews
Hey king!
This is probably my second ever review so don't judge too harshly on what I'm about to say. I didn't quite enjoy this poem; I've read some of your other work and I might say they are quite enjoyable. But this one seems to get on my nerves. I don't quite like the repetition of the "it is" or "it is the thing". Try use another way to describe or link the description to the topic.
Another thing I'd like to point out is that you could also include something else. Where does life begin from? Birth. Maybe say something about that (not in the disgusting way). You also mention Joy and Pain. There's a lot more to life than just joy and pain which I totally understand you can't all write down; however, maybe if you stick to birth, life and death, this poem could go a long way.
Anyway, we're born, we live and we die.
MWAHAHAHAHA!
RepublicOfCoter
I'm a tad confused. How is this in any way a poem? It certainly doesn't read or look like one. :/
Feel free to ask me if you have any questions or comments.
Well, poem or not, here are some things I noticed:
You start nearly every sentence with "it." Granted, poetry doesn't really use complete sentences like this very much, but that's beside the point. You need to switch up your sentence structure a bit every now and then, because the way it is right now is completely redundant and a tad annoying. I know what you were trying to pull off, but it just didn't work the way you wanted it to, I suspect.
You contradict yourself a lot! I mean, nearly every sentence is a contradiction of the one before it. That's not a good thing. I can understand that you may have wanted to do that intentionally because it would be clever and original, but it just didn't work out. Instead of making people ponder what you mean by, "It is the thing that we despise...It is the thing that we long for," it has another effect completely. It makes me want to stop reading, because I lost my patience after a while. I did finish reading it, of course, but not everyone is guaranteed to do the same. :/
Well anyways, sorry if that was blunt, but I just want to be honest so that you can improve.
-Knightley
I found this actually quite cynical and amusing all at once. Kind of like a good blend of sarcasm and wit, I guess. But it was far too repetitive for my liking - what is it supposed to be? It doesn't read like a poem in the slightest; more like a bullet pointed list of philosphical ideas to be put into an essay, just in fuller sentences.
I'd actually recommend you taking this and analysing it to death, line by line, and telling us exactly what you mean. Give examples of how we despise life etc. And then...write a full-blown essay on the topic. It'd make a more interesting read.