This is just something I wrote yesterday. It isn't that great, so trash it, burn it and shoot it. But then tell me how I can make it better.
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There is that one jar of clay,
that greets you every morning.
Every night it watches you,
as you drift away.
You keep that single jar of clay,
always close at hand.
But you never open it
to let it catch some light.
Trapped always in that jar of clay,
is what is precious to you most.
But never will you let it go,
until you get its owner.
Why do you keep that jar of clay,
trapped and cloaked in darkness?
Why can't you open it,
and let my soul be free?
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Hey kingolions!
This poem was as dull as dull can be. Where is the imagery? I mean, I've read your other work and that has some fantastic descriptions but this is a boring as butter on bread. You really need to spice it up a bit with some action or descriptive words. You have always told me never to use the title in the poem yet in the very first line and throughout the poem, you seem to mention it half a dozen times. Maybe change the title to something more gripping. Last question: why must it be a jar of clay-very fragile (can spill the contents out if broken-remember that). This poems needs a lot of work. Please take my and other people's advice to help this out.
MWAHAHAHA!
-RepublicOfCoter
Spoiler
I stopped commenting on each line because you didn't really need it; all of my comments at this point are general. You need more of a concrete theme in this poem, and you are in desperate need of imagery. This is a very dry read, simply because there is nothing interesting. No striking language, no colorful words, nothing pretty. In essence, spice it up with words and images. Make me feel something other than numbness.