I feel as if you watch over me,
but I know you can't talk back,
so here I am trying,
to be here for you.
I always leave a spot for you,
and never let it go.
If you were here you'd do the same,
and I'd always be right there.
As days go by I know you'll see,
how much I did love you.
But I'm not sure how long I can
go on without my girl.
Maybe to make the time go by,
I could come visit you.
I guess that's why I have this knife,
held up against my neck.
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140,166 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hey kingolions!
I liked this poem! It was a bit different to some of your previous works so you are extending your ideas *pats on the back and hands a magic cookie*
In this poem, you show off more of your creative side by going out and doing something a bit different. This one filled the criteria of a poem with flying colours! It had excellent description and was filled with emotion! It wasn't too long which is always good.
This was my favourite stanza. Oh my god! Why? The last line was such a shock! I couldn't believe it. I had to read it a few times to take it all in. This guy sounded kind of sweet then he's about to kill himself? My god!
MWAHAHAHA!
-R.O.C.
Hey Kingolions,
I would rewrite the second to last line so it says "So I am trying, to be here for you."I think that this poem is okay. I have noticed a recurring theme in your poems. Most of the poems are about the main character wishing to be with someone or saving someone who is either dead or dieing. I have one suggestion.
I did not expect the abrupt ending. I was very surprised the guy tries to commit suicide at the end.
I probably did not give the best review because I think that I am horrible at writing but, hopefully this helps you in some way.
Have a great day,
Fiction
The first two lines read a bit awkwardly to me. 'I always leave a spot for you, and never let it go.' just doesn't sit well with me.
Awww, this line is so cute. Makes me slightly emotional which is weird *cough* So, very simple it pushes all the right buttons. Only one spelling mistake, I blame your keyboard
o_O, I was not expecting that. I like the shocking ending.
At the beginning I thought this was good but not spectacularly so, but as I got nearer to the ending I started to like it a bit more. The ending was the best bit, at first It was a guy pining for his dead girlfriend. And at the end it was him killing himself.
Nicely Written.
Anger