This is something I literally wrote in 2 minutes, because I was bored. Please don't say that I wasn't descriptive enough, because it is supposed to leave them to your imagination.
-------------------------------
Scrapes, cut, burns and bruise.
This is what my life now is.
All the pain and torment I now have,
comes from what once was love.
I once had hoped,
for what could have been,
you and me together.
But now we shall never,
live together.
No peace.
No harmony.
But why did you leave me?
All alone,
trapped in my own delusions?
If you had stayed,
not run away,
we could be happy,
I could be free.
But now I live forever,
in my own pain and torment,
because you ran away to the cloud filled heavens.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,552 Literary Works • 673,424 Reviews
you have really given me new ideas for more poems so i thank you!
hey this was really good and had nice flow and rhythm
it goes plural, single, plural, single, and i don't really like it. i think it would be better all plurals, but that's just my opion. to me switching between the two is jarring.
capitalize the i
the first line of this stanza feels like it should say "But why did you leave me?" because it carries on to say all alone, trapped in my own delusions?
overall, great poem! especially for one written in such a short amount of time
Its vary good for a 2 minutes poem!
Love it
Hi kingolions
Nice poem. I'd like to congratulate you on your flow. It's very good and solid and one of the strengths in this poem.
The mood of this poem is quite dark and moody and you get that along quite well. I would urge you though to use more metaphors because it would give some more imagery to this poem
In conclusion, this is a good poem with some great ideas in it.
well done.
verawinters
This poem made me sad. Especially at the end when it says "because you ran away to the cloud filled heavens." I like how you didn't say because you died and went to heaven, that would have been to bland. I like how you don't give away that the person was dead in the begging it was a nice surprise! Good Poem! PM me if you need another review! Keep Writing!
-KAH
What's a buries?
My brutally honest opinion is that this is standard teenage wangst fare. It's not interesting to read, it doesn't present any unique views on anything, and you didn't care about it enough to spend the time to make this poem poetic; basically, it wasn't worth posting up for review. Next time, I suggest spending more than two minutes on a poem you plan to post publicly.
For a two minute poem this is great. I'm not gonna give a thero reveiw but I did notice in stanza four you forgot to capitilize "all"