I seem to be obsessed with writing sad and dreary poems. So I gave a shot at a nice happy poem. Because that worked out.
-------------------------------
I look out the window,
and all I see,
are the faces laughing,
as they dance happily.
Why then do I feel,
the pain that's inside.
I cannot go there,
for I've been left behind.
All the world was wonderful,
joyous and free.
But there's no calm melody,
anymore for me.
Why was I left,
weeping and sad,
from the pain of the one,
who used to hold my hand?
When loves finds it's end,
and your left for another,
you see what was perfect,
in your used to be lover.
There will be not more,
laughing sweet faces,
until that time,
I have made my defenses.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
I really like that the poem isn't entirely happy. I think it makes the words seem more real and less forced.
Nice job! Normally I have to tell people about the beat, and fading in and out from rhyming to not rhyming, but you seem to have everything involving that under control, so I congratulate you. Here's a GOLD STAR!
But, even though you said you made an attempt at a happy poem, this still drifts into being sad a little. Oh well. No big deal. kingolions
Keep writing! 
Interesting, poem Kingolions!
I, like you, tend to write sadder poems, so I realized what you had to go through to write this.
I liked how you tried to rhyme the poem, but to me the rhymes felt a little forced, like you came up with the first word in the second line and rapidly thought of another word that could make sense with the second word in the fourth line.
I really liked this stanza though. It actually didn't seem very rushed, and I think that maybe you went over this particular stanza a couple times, since it pretty much makes this poem so much better for me. It's a very beautiful stanza!
Keep writing,
Jane