I looked into your soft blue eyes,
and I see what could have been.
More than talking,
laughing and joking,
peaceful with the haunting truth.
The truth of how I felt,
how I wish,
how I hid.
Your gentle touch,
upon my leg,
your hair blowing in the wind.
Your smile,
your laugh,
what we could have been.
But now I know it can not be,
and I take a last deep breath.
I bowed my head in silent respect,
and walked away from the coffin where you lay.
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140,811 Literary Works • 673,693 Reviews
Hi Lightnigbolt here, nice poem it seemed so gentle and smooth to me the way you expressed your words in
that light but suttle manner made me feel the visual side of things for example the way her hair blowed great job keep it up!!
regards lightningbolt
hi Kingo, that peom was reallly good. i believe that if you say that to a girl thenn shea will go out with you. i said that because the words that you said, in the way that you said it was reallly sweat and i hope you'll make a career of it because of it because you could become a famous poet.
This was really sad, but in a good way. I liked the ending since I really diddn't see it coming. As it was said earlier, there were a couple of tense changes, from present to past. Especially in the last stanza. I wish I could give a better review but there's not very much I could pick at. As alwayse, keep up the great work and i really can't wait to see more of your work.
This is truly amazing
Hey king!
This poem was fantastic! I really enjoyed the way you described what the narrator was feeling and what he felt. The climax of the poem was the conclusion. I felt that summed up the entire poem with a nice yet sorrowful way. I would love to read this over and over again. No bad or constructive criticism needed. Best poem written by you!
MWAHAHAHA!
-RepublicOfCoter
I think this poem is wonderful. Even though it doesn't have a rhyming scheme you get the point across. Your stanzas don't have any flow, but you make it feel like they do by your words.
This is weird. Wouldn’t her eyes be closed if she was in a coffin?
This is a bad change in tenses. It jolted me right out of my image and made the ending seem lopsided.
Hope I helped
A. S.
Hi, call me Freak or Fry, if you will.
Nitpicks!
I like this poem a lot, and the end was a very good surprise, but there are some things that just didn't fit or flow with the rest of the piece.
I don't get this part; it doesn't really fit. Are you feeling this at the moment, or is that what you and your girlfriend could have been? I don't know. Needs clarifying, since you are continuing the sentence with a comma.
What about the truth? Did you wish to tell this to her? And "wish" what? What are you wishing? I get the feeling that you wanted to be with this girl, yeah, I got that, but this stanza just seems like it isn't done yet and like this is incomplete.
The change in tenses is kind of weird and sudden.
Besides these points this poem was fairly well, and I enjoyed it for the most part. Very cute in the beginning and what a n emotion changing ending. Nice job, and keep writing!
~PM me for any help or questions.
Hello, I'll be your reviewer, I'm LastPaladin. And well, the title to begin with does nothing. This should make it clear that this review is going to be harsh. This is meant to help ya.
To put this in most simple form, this a shopping list, of how a person looks how they make you feel. There no showing, it's all telling. You insist just boring readers, with trite, cliche details of why this person is so amazing. Rewind...
Okay, read the end, it ends somewhat less cliche, but other tha that, it does come across as being rather generic. Sure it's quite sad, and tragic by the end, and maybe going for that approach, but if ya want the readers to feel your pain, go into the what happened, how it ended. Give us something, you have half a good idea. And it annoys me you waste it by coming across as namby pamby to begin with. You need a stronger send off. Give us the emotion you feel, show don't tell. Show us, with metaphors what happened. Give us something to feel.
Hope this helps.
Hello there, King!
Actually, I'm just here to say the good things, 'cause I know I'm not really good in finding mistakes.hehe. 
Interesting. Even though there was no presence of rhyming scheme, it was totally good. I liked the way you started and finished it. I never expected the girl to be dead.
Anyways, keep up the good work!~
Peace out!