The Sound Of Silence

Hello, I’m Roon, nice to meet you. I’m not good with introductions, so I’ll head straight onto the review.

I wish I had the screaming back,
to drown out the silent noise.
It thuds like thunder in my head < I don’t like the alliteration ‘thud’ ‘thunder’, it makes me think of lisps, it’s a distinct sound, especially when followed by the ‘u’ as it is here, also I don’t think thunder is really a thud, it’s more of a crash.
when I know there's nothing there.

The first line really grabs you, which is excellent, and I really want to read on when I see it. This whole stanza is actually pretty good, I just don’t really like the juxtaposition of silent and noise, it has been done before, and it doesn’t feel right to me.

The sound of silence is loud and clear
but never there at all.
You wish it would go away,
but it is not really there.

The second two lines really don’t add anything to this poem, they’re a repetition, the second and fourth line especially, because they’re exactly the same thing, and ‘you wish it would go away’ is already redundant because of the first stanza. Also, wish is a bit weak, for this poem.

How harsh is the beat of silence
so loud inside my mind? < I like this, rhetorical questions engage the reader.
It's worse than when I always heard
the screaming shouts of hate.

Again, the latter two lines are redundant, you’ve already said all of that. I do, however, really like the first two lines. Maybe you could combine the second and third stanza, taking out the second pair of lines from each and putting them together?

How loud is that dreadful noise
that drills inside my head? < We don’t know, you have to tell us.
Silence isn't really soft, < You haven’t once said that it was soft, this was a little confusing for me, is silence usually described as soft, there are a lot of ways that it’s described. If you bring it in before this line, I think it would be relatable.
but a drum beat in my head.

“inside my head” “in my head”, watch out for repetitions.

Other than that, I thought it was really good, you have some excellent imagery going on here. I find it ironic that the thing under your name says you’re waiting for the screams to stop, and in the poem you want them back! Anyway, I think that with a couple of alterations, this will be brilliant, poems about sounds are always refreshing, and bringing in even one of the senses helps the reader to connect to what they’re reading. At times this poem flows really well and captures the eerie, even painful idea of silence that you portray, we can really tell that, for the voice, it’s maddening, but you need to intensify that more. I really like the imagery of the storm in your head, which continues into a drum beat throughout the poem, and as you’re reading it, it sort of falls into a beat as you go along, which is really invaluable in a poem like this. You’ve got a really good central idea to work on with that, storms are common, we’ve all experienced them. When I read this, it actually makes me think of the feeling you get when your ears pop, the sort of ringing that you have.

One last point that’s popped into my head, in the second line of the poem, instead of saying the ‘silent noise’, you could say ‘the sound of silence’, that way you could work in the title of the poem. It’s up to you anyway, feel free to discard all this advice, it’s your poem and you know what you want to portray.

Hope this has helped, if you ever want another review, or anything really, let me know!

~Roon

I basically agree with everything that Abigail pointed out. It's honestly a piece many people could relate to easily and some parts just seem to echo in my head. My favorite lines are:

kingolions wrote:The sound of silence is loud and clear
but never there at all.

That's just so true! Anyways, great poem, keep it up!

~mybrokenreality

Hi Kingolions! I like this poem very much, and I find it very easy to relate to.

kingolions wrote:How loud is the beat of silence
so loud inside my mind.

I'm not quite sure, but I think there should be a question mark at the end of this sentence. Isn't it supposed to be a question, and the next two lines an answer?

I found that this poem could be a little repetitive. The two lines I really dislike are ...

kingolions wrote:You wish it would go away,
but it is not really there.

They just seem too blunt to me. Poetry usually isn't supposed to be that way. Perhaps you could think of a more creative way to go about proving your point.

Overall, though, I love this poem! The last two lines definitely make it something wonderful. Keep writing!