As each minute passes by, a little more of me fades away. It does not die, but it is more like it never existed. And as each minute passes by, I feel that much more empty. As each piece of me fades away, the world seems that much more hopeless. And as each more hopeless minute passes, there is that much less of a chance of me being rescued. Will you help me?
All I have left is a little sliver of light in side of me. But it can grow. It can get brighter and get stronger, but it needs not just me. It needs the strength of another, and the hope of what it can achieve. Together, it may be the light, the signal to those who have lost what they had, and the beacon to those who need salvation. For with this power, it can be unstoppable. But all it takes is a simple act of charity.
That single action, one of pure kindness, can change it all. It may not be perceived as kind, but it will succeed if the intention is good. But, if there is even a hint of selfishness in heart, then it will shatter, like glass in heat.
As each minute passes by, a little more of me fades away. As each minute passes by, I feel that much more empty. As each piece of me fades away, the world seems that much more hopeless. As each more hopeless minute passes by, I see the kinder actions in the world and see what I can do for others.
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140,552 Literary Works • 673,424 Reviews
Hi kingolions its CaptianRandom,
sorry if this is my first review of yours but i hope you enjoy my review.
I loved this post, when you referred to every minute passing you lose some of your self but don't really lose it really made my think about life, the length of the post was good and it was not just blobs of text, they were spaced out and that's what i always look for when I'm reading a post, i also try and find my own little message that makes me think of things to do with my life.
-CaptianRandom.
Hello there king!
Yes, I am reviewing yet another one of your fantastic pieces of work. However, this piece didn't strike me as fantastic nor as enjoyable but more of disappointment. I was really enjoying this until I hear this line:
I honestly felt let down by this line and that paragraph and the next one in fact. I enjoyed how you introduced the sorrow and despair in the first paragraph. That's what makes me longing to read and review all you work. I would love if you could redo this through my POV! That would be a masterpiece worthy to be posted on this wonderful site.
MWAHAHAHA!
-RepublicOfCoter
Well, if it is your first time writing, as Elinor had said, then you did well.
But it would be better if it was put into stanzas 'cause then you can define that it is a poem rather than just a few paragraphs. But on the words, honestly some of it I didn't get but then again sometimes a work is only for certain viewers to understand. And I understand that. But the parts I 'did' understand weren't bad. lol.
Anyways, keep up the good work!
Hi!
Okay, so, whenever you're trying a new form of art, it's best to understand basic formatting to what you're writing. Just by looking this I can tell you've never read or written any poetry, because this needs to be divided into stanzas. Knowing when to break to new lines depends on verses and rhythm. Think of your poem as a spoken song. There's still a beat when you say it, right? There isn't a set place to divide, so when you revise this, say it out loud! When you think the reader's had enough for one breath, or a phrase or short sentence is done with, go to a new line.
Once you do that, I shall give this poem a proper critique.
PM me if you have a questions.
-Elinor xo