This was just something I wrote, while waiting. That's all I was doing. (I hope that doesn't make me psycho.)
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Each sound you made, bored deeper into my soul.
But forever more, I shan't hear your soft voice.
Every moment when I wake, I think of your smile.
But never again, shall I see the shine of your beauty.
Ever so quietly, I heard your soft breath.
But now, I only have the memory of what you were.
Wait for me, in your eternal peace,
for me to find you.
And then, I shall never leave your side.
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I like the poem.
And I would like to emphasize that in this case the reason why the person died/left the author doesn't matter as much as the feelings the author's left with.
This poems sounds to be something very private and I don't want to criticize anything. Maybe the only thing I could say would be.. you could've written more! I'd love to read more of this poem^^
I like it. It's really good, but seems to missing something. Like it wants to be something but it's not. I'm not one to judge but maybe it's a presence that missing, or could be detail. Well, in any case, only the author can figure this out because it came from you it should end with you.
I wonder if that's confusing... I hope not. I never was good with my words.
Anyways, what ever it is, you're sure to figure it out. ^-^
Hey kingolions!
This might just be me, but I want to know how she died. Because right now it sounds like she just disappeared, until the last stanza. And I don't know... after listening to lots of The Decemberists, I kind of want to hear how they're going to be together. Like, look at the lyrics of "Yankee Bayonet." It's about how the two are going to return after they died in the Civil War era. Really cool stuff!
So more description, please.