Come to Me Children, and See What I See

I have read this multiple times and I am unsure about it. There are parts that I like and there are parts that confuse me.

I like the initial repetition of "Come to me children" in the first and third stanzas. I think it would be cool to use similar repetition later on. Perhaps with "I will leave you be."
In that same first part, you have several grammar mistakes. Noninjas already pointed out that "I" should be capitalized, but there should also me an apostrophe in "one man's desires". This shows the possession of those desires. If I were you, I might even remove the "in" and just leave it as "one man's desires". I try to keep my lines the same number of syllables, but that's not necessary.

I also like your parallelism ("The days of horror, The days of desire" and "Releasing horror, Releasing desire, Releasing all power."). You have an extra "a" in the first "releasing". I like these stanzas because they create an emphasis.

After that, though, it becomes confusing. I think you are trying to say that a witch controlled a dragon that no one could kill, but your phrasing is awkward ("A dragon told to be"). What was the dragon told to be? You could also think about rewriting the stanza completely and saying there was a dragon under the spell of a witch or there was a witch with a pet dragon. Think about how to get your point across.

Your last stanza wraps it all up. You repeat the phrases "your kingdom crumble" and "witching days", tying the ending back to the beginning. Nice.

One general review coming up.
Please turn your eyes away if you dislike harsh reviews to the point where you would leave YWS if you got one.
Nothing here is personal or intended to be insulting.

When I started reading the piece, I though it would be something better, but when I got to the third stanza, my mind changed. For one, except for the I's at the beginning of the lines, your individual I's aren't capitalized. It should be "As I am", not "As i am".

Secondly, the last line of the second stanza stumbles. One good thing to do when writing poetry is to read it aloud. If you stumble along a word, than it needs changing. Also, you want everything to be flowing and smooth. Take this stanza for example.
"Many brave souls have died trying to kill it,
Many were clsoe to victory,
But died at the end."
The first line is very chunky and feels like your speaking vomit when you say it aloud. It doesn't flow at all. Also, it is important to read over your poetry when you are done so silly little typos don't pop up here and there. You should treat every piece you write as though it was an entry to a very high-stakes competition. Though you should still enjoy writing it. If you don't, then it's bound to suck.

One quote that a lot of poets live by is "Show, don't tell." This means using literary techniques, metaphors, similes, and the likes to create images with words. You want to put the images in the reader/listeners head. It's not like a recount or an exposition; you aren't writing a boring piece that people are forced to read because it's their job. You want to take the reader away from their life and show them something much more imaginable. Your piece is more like a recount of a scene - something that tells the reader what happens in a not very creative way. This being a horror poem, I expect your words to send shivers down my spine, not send me to sleep.

Don't let structure bind your poetry. I see what may be meter and structure, but you must not let it chain you to certain things. If the poem requires you to break this rule at one stage to keep a nice flow going, then do it! The flow is much more important than structure that you use. I once made the mistake of forcing my poem to mould the structuring and such that I used. Man, that was a disaster.

Your overall stanzas need to be more rounded and your first, second, and third stanzas, and your title don't really seem to relate to the rest of your poem that much. They feel so out of place there. Also, the exact repetition of your first stanza isn't exactly the best thing to do. It makes you seem lazy and scrambling for things to write.

I hope this helps.
-noninjaspresent