The Years of My Pain and Sorrow

Your name has been popping up quite often in the poetry forums, so I thought it would be a good idea if I jumped in and had a few words, no?

Anyways, there is something rather interesting about a poem in italics. It give it this sort of ghostly tremor, as if you wanted it to be like a chord being strung in the background. A chant being heard rather than a poem with a statement. And that was one of the things that really worked out in your favor. As it goes, this would have been over the top blunt if it wasn't for the breathy nature of the italics.

That being said, I would like to disagree with you now, if you don't mind. You said that the poem is generally confusing. I disagree. It was far too straight forward for my tastes.

You bear all when you write. You list it out in a manner that would be as if you were proving a thesis. 'I am broken because people have mistreated me'. 'I am cold because I've been backstabbed'. So on and so forth. It's as if you used the medium simply to prove not only to yourself but to everyone else that you deserve to be pitied. But is poetry merely an explanation. A way of telling the world that you suffer? Because we all suffer, dear. And we all know what its like to be betrayed, friendless, and - I'm sure many could vouch for me on this one - alone.

Those feelings are good to connect to the suffering of humanity with, and you could find people will agree with your poetry and feel a sense of understanding from it if you didn't play this off as a 'woe is me, and there is reason for it'. Draw on parallels. Make something beautiful out of something sad. This is not a topic to be merely dropped out and pushed forward.

I'm curious. How much time did you spend on this particular piece? This question is not my being rude, of course, but I'm a wee bit curious as to the time extent.

Anyways, there were a few other things I noted on while I was reading that bugged me a little bit. For instance;

[quote]That is what i am,
That is what i will stay to be.[quote]

You capitalize the beginning of each line and yet not the letters such as 'i'. Now, usually I wouldn't note upon something like capitals in poetry, but in this case I thought it would be appropriate.

If you want to disregard capitalization, disregard all of it. If you want to keep proper grammatical lines, make sure that capitalization is something in which you are meticulous about. But you really should choose. One way or another.

Anyways, I feel as if there are many things I could note on this one but I feel that would be me being unfair to you. This was obviously a personal poem that was written in an emotional state, and I of all people cannot judge for it. But the poem lacked the real depth that comes with understanding. It was far too 'I can't change me and I'll never change' to be really taken seriously by anyone who passed that particular stage in their lives.

I'll keep my eye out for future work. The fact that you push out so much poetry shows me that you have a love for it, so there is no reason why I wouldn't want to help you further those skills.

Anyways, keep writing.
~Walker