Bye Bye, Butterfly

I feel like you're missing some stanzas in this one. Instead of using repetition I would suggest putting in stanzas where you have no repetition between stanzas you reuse. You may be interested in looking into some of the poetry forms that are out there such as the Villanelle: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Villanelle Using one of these forms might really help improve your work and still keep the repetitive style you seem to enjoy.

Hi,

So I agree - this just childish. But how old was your friend that you wrote this for? If she was young, then that would make sense. But if she was older, I'm wondering why you would compare her to her a butterfly. Anyway, so you don't specify, I'm just going to be reviewing the poem for how it stands on its own. It definitely would be a cute lullaby, but as a poem it kind of falls flat.

It's relatively bare, and from it I'm kind of getting the impression that you haven't written much poetry before, which is okay! For some people, poetry is totally their thing and for others its not.

If you decide to go back and revise this, I would ask yourself what kind of message you want to portray with this piece of poetry. To me, it seems like a relatively simple, short and sweet piece about nature, specifically, butterflies. How better to portray nature then to describe the scenery? Where is the butterfly? Is it in a butterfly house, or out in the wide expanse? Has it just emerged from its cocoon?

I understand that this also serves a metaphor for your friend who has gone away, so think about how you can incorporate aspects of that in to your poem. How is your friends like a butterfly?

Anyway, I hope this helps. Feel free to send me a PM if you have any questions.