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140,404 Literary Works • 673,163 Reviews
Hey! Rosie here!
Overall, this is cute. It definitely made me laugh. I don't think that you intended for this to be a seriously dark poem, but rather a slightly comical one with a few creepy twists; if that's what you intended, you fully achieved it. I will remember this poem after I click the little red x in the corner of my screen, and as a writer, that's what you want. Great work!
As for criticism, I don't have much for you since I love this piece. If I were to offer anything - and this is purely me nitpicking - I might want to focus on using words that are slightly more unique. Since this poem is already odd, introducing unique words and phrases would be the perfect finishing touch, something to make it even more awesome than it already is.
All in all, awesome! Always keep writing!
-Rosie