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140,398 Literary Works • 673,156 Reviews
Hello! It is a really nice piece of poetry.I like the whole theme of it.It seems kind of different and unique to me.It is a pure fantasy but I think you should link it to the real world a bit.Another thing, try breaking it in paragraphs.Breaking it in paragraphs would give it a better look.Also, try using full stops(.) at some places instead of commas(,). You could also try to give it a better rhythm by using some rhyming words after all it is a poem.I really like that moonlight explodes thing.It helps you imagine the scene.It is quite good a poem.Keep it up and keep writing.....
Hey there, beautiful poem. Very fantastic. I very few critiques for this poem, except that I think it would benefit from some complete stops -> . instead of constantly commas. It helps build a better flow. I don't like the sentence "creeps into a dance". That imagery doesn't really work together. Maybe something like, creeps into view. Morning is whats killing your night dance. Other than that I love it its very emotive.