z

Young Writers Society



Changes

by demib


The night flows,
From one hour,
To another,
The moonlight explodes,
Into a shining new light,
A blue light,
Leading me to a new world,
But when morning,
Creeps into a dance,
I fall away,
From the night I loved,
Taking me to the early sunset,
I wait for the night,
To approach the morning,
Taking over again,
Dancing with the stars,
With the heroes in the skies,
My changes come with the night...
 

 

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8 Reviews

Points: 518
Reviews: 8

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Wed Sep 24, 2014 7:03 am
anejaaastha24 wrote a review...



Hello! It is a really nice piece of poetry.I like the whole theme of it.It seems kind of different and unique to me.It is a pure fantasy but I think you should link it to the real world a bit.Another thing, try breaking it in paragraphs.Breaking it in paragraphs would give it a better look.Also, try using full stops(.) at some places instead of commas(,). You could also try to give it a better rhythm by using some rhyming words after all it is a poem.I really like that moonlight explodes thing.It helps you imagine the scene.It is quite good a poem.Keep it up and keep writing.....




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51 Reviews

Points: 83
Reviews: 51

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Sun Mar 31, 2013 11:31 pm
lyssiekins wrote a review...



Hey there, beautiful poem. Very fantastic. I very few critiques for this poem, except that I think it would benefit from some complete stops -> . instead of constantly commas. It helps build a better flow. I don't like the sentence "creeps into a dance". That imagery doesn't really work together. Maybe something like, creeps into view. Morning is whats killing your night dance. Other than that I love it its very emotive.





In short, Mrs. Pontellier was beginning to realize her position in the universe as a human being, and to recognize her relations as an individual to the world within and about her.
— Kate Chopin, The Awakening