The Monster and I

by demib

Published January 12, 2013

In Poetry Folder

So this poem is part of a larger one but i like it better and i havnt quite finished it yet.
So let me know what you think.


The Monster and I,
We met before our time,
The Monster and I,
Oh we were so fine,
Spoiled shame,
Before the blame,
Where is the truth in it all?
Between the Monster and I.
Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Aley
Review
Aley wrote a review Review · Jan 13, 2013

Personally I dislike the repetition of "The Monster and I" when I have no context for who the monster is. I understand who "I" is, the speaker, but without some characteristics for the monster, it seems pointless to call them a monster. Also, I would like to know how it was before their time to meet.

The last part of the poem seems more just for a nice turn of phrase instead of actually trying to say something because the words don't have any connecting substance. I want more of a story to make the poem.

I think you have something with the second to last line. I would like you to explain what "it all" is and expand on the truth the the speaker is looking for. Perhaps this is what the longer work is for?

I can't wait to see what else was supposed to go with this poem. Hopefully it will make more sense when it is all up. Keep writing.

User avatar
Paracosm
Review
Paracosm wrote a review Review · Jan 12, 2013

Hey demib! I'm going to give you a quick review. This poem is really quick and interesting. It is also pretty abstract. So anyway! On with the review!

The first three lines work out really well. The next line doesn't make so much sense to me. But, since this is from a longer work, it's hard for me to tell you to change anything. The next two lines are very interesting.

Well, this review is short and not so great. I think once you have the rest of it written, it will be easier to understand. I can't wait for you to finish! PM and I'll give you a better review. Keep up the good work!



“Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”
— L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables