Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,483 Literary Works • 672,576 Reviews
Hi :0 Nice poem, good repetition. The only suggestions I have are for these lines:
Forgive me,
For killing you on the inside and out - the word on seems a little over doing it. for killing you, inside and out would be much more to the point and sound nicer.
I ask many things from you,
But you can't answer me,
For the dead can't forgive,
And the dead can't speak to the living. The last stanza brings too much attention to itself, being four lines long instead of the two which has been the theme and rhythm of your poem so far. I think it will sound just as good and makes still as much sense if you omit the first two lines.
Keep writing!