Dead Rose

by demib

Published March 24, 2012

In Poetry Folder

Dead roses on my death bed,
Piling up to my souls content.

The series have just begun,
While my life comes undone.

Mourners come by,
Just as my soul begins to die,
Inside thy broken body of me.

The roses are charred,
Burnt by guilt.

Regret my sorrows,
My life unforrows.
Comments & reviews · 1
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Caesar
Review
Caesar wrote a review Review · Mar 25, 2012

Die/me? Not so sure about that. In my humble opinion, try 'mine'. Also, I don't get that one verse- thy (your) broken body of me. Enlighten me. :)
Also- unforrows? Try maybe unravels (though that would spoil the rhyme). Maybe: Regret my battle (your struggle with life)/ as (or not) my life unravels.
Just trying to help

demib replied · Mar 26, 2012

Thy means the not your it wont make sense to say "Inside your broken body of me" when it is not you that has this pain but the one who wrote it. Me.

Caesar replied · Aug 11, 2013

christ this is an old review. My first I think. Cheers.



If I were a girl in a book, this would all be so easy.
— Jo March