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139,483 Literary Works • 672,576 Reviews
Die/me? Not so sure about that. In my humble opinion, try 'mine'. Also, I don't get that one verse- thy (your) broken body of me. Enlighten me.
Also- unforrows? Try maybe unravels (though that would spoil the rhyme). Maybe: Regret my battle (your struggle with life)/ as (or not) my life unravels.
Just trying to help
Thy means the not your it wont make sense to say "Inside your broken body of me" when it is not you that has this pain but the one who wrote it. Me.
christ this is an old review. My first I think. Cheers.