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139,483 Literary Works • 672,576 Reviews
Hey
I do like poetry about the ocean. One thing that bothers me is the constant commas, it has a feel of one big long sentence which makes it hard for me to read.
Another part I tripped over : surging over, pulling me over. I think maybe: pulling me under would have sounded more intense. I also dislike sentences in poetry that beigin with and or but. Sometimes you have to do it, but I don't think it really adds anything here. You could take the and from pulling me over, it would still work. The whole poem makes the sea sound so playful until the end, which is good because wait is totally like the sea, its patient, ongoing, but I don't think it waits in destruction. Its more mercurial, happily playful and then SUDDENLY destructive.
Thank you for your poetry