My Smiles to The Reaper

My smiles to the Reaper,
Come openly and invitingly,
Through day and night,
Through light and dark.

My smiles to the Reaper,
Never stop,
Never Change,
Continuesly coming,
Oh,
The beautiful smiles to the Reaper.

My smiles to the Reaper,
Brought me good Death,
Smile to the Reaper, My dear
Or else youll live in fear.
Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
Anonymous99
Review

Love the idea! Beautifully written, perfectly choosing the right words for each sentence. The end was a bit confusing but a solid poem :) at times the poem lacked a bit of passion and the fear .. However, I loved the fact that in the second stanza you repeated the word never, it really made a difference and add so much effect to the whole 'reaper' idea.also, another positive note is that you never waffled on or made the poem get dull - always interesting sentences! Really a pleasure to read. A great piece of work!

User avatar
Kale
Review
Kale wrote a review · Wed May 09, 2012 9:24 pm

Continuesly coming,
Oh,

Should be "continuously". The "Oh," also left me wondering if these were meant to be lyrics or something. It felt out-of-place compared to the rest of the poem.

The ending to this was rather abrupt. The first two stanzas talk about the smiles, but suddenly the last two lines of the final stanza are telling the reader they should smile — the last two lines feel like they come out of nowhere. There's no buildup to them, and there needs to be some buildup if you want to keep them.

This poem also lacked vivid imagery. You relied heavily on common words and phrases, which really doesn't make for memorable images or poetry. If you could perhaps more creatively describe the smile (metaphors and similes are good for this) to make things more interesting, I think your poem would greatly benefit.

The thing is, this poem has a lot of potential. The basic image of smiling at the Reaper is a very strong one, and if you could develop it further, make it more vivid and meaningful, then this could become a very good and memorable poem.

Random avatar
dante93
Comment

I really like the context of this poem, though I thought it could have been written a little better. It seems a bit short for my taste. I could actually like to see it a little more played out. The last stanza I like though, because it solidifies the poem, and makes it mean something more.

Ok I will do the best i can. Thank you!



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— snapshot