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Love and The Barrier

by WinnyWriter


She looked deep into the pages

  Of the book she held and read,

And felt herself drawn to the fictional boy,

   The fifteen-year-old redhead.

He wasn't the main hero,

  Nor starred in the main parts,

But as she kept on reading his story,

   Something about him gripped her heart.

She cried for him in his weakness

   And hurt along with his pain,

And in the scenes where he was charming and happy,

   Her face was all smiles once again.

Before she had gotten very far in the story,

   She knew she liked him a lot,

And she whispered to him sadly as she touched the pages,

   "I'd date you if you were real - but you're not."

-

He lived inside the pages 

   Of a fictional series that day

When he met his favorite reader

   And she stole his heart away. 

He felt, as she read, he was getting to know her,

   Just the same as she felt about him,

Yet whenever she put the book down for a while,

   Her thoughts that he saw would go dim;

For whenever he touched the page she was touching,

   It was like he entered her mind,

But they couldn't really communicate with each other

   Because their worlds were of two different kinds.

He came to love her companionship,

   And he liked it when she laughed;

He appreciated the fullness of her depth

  While others often saw only half.

He fell for her personality,

   And he knew she had a good heart;

And the way she so often could relate to him

   Was one of the very best parts.

-

But, alas! The unmoveable, unbreakable barrier

   Between real life and fiction remained.

It stood fast in spite of a world full of wishing,

   No matter how much avid readers complained. 

So day after day, as she read through his story,

   She thought, "I like him - I wish he'd come true,"

And on his side he thought if he could tell her just one thing,

   He'd say, "I have a crush on you, too."

---

(Copyright 2019)


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110 Reviews


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Sat Jan 11, 2020 6:51 am
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tgham99 wrote a review...



I love this poem so much because I feel like a lot of people can relate to having formed close ties to fictional characters, whether through literature of film. I actually really like the fact that you didn't reveal anything about the actual book/story that she was reading; the vagueness makes it easier to focus on the relationship between the girl and the boy.

There are a couple of lines that came off as a bit awkward ("And the way she so often could relate to him / Was one of the very best parts") but it makes sense since you had to adhere to your rhyme scheme. I found the ending to be a bit comical, even; I'm not sure if you intended it to be that way, but I liked the idea of a reader communicating with their beloved characters in a "mutual" conversation.

This is a very unique topic to write a poem on, and the use of a rhyme scheme and set structure helped keep it flowing smoothly as I read through it.

Not sure if you considered it, but this particular topic would actually be cool to see as a multi-part piece -- I personally would love to see a sort of sequel in which we get a closer look into the story itself, or maybe what kind of ending there lies for these two. I'm totally getting ahead of myself, though, so feel free to ignore this rambling..

All in all, it was a great poem, and I'd love to read more of your writing!!




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Sat Jan 11, 2020 5:00 am
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alliyah wrote a review...



I like this narrative poem, and it had just an adorably bitter-sweet ending. Really neat concept, and the story definitely came through the piece as well. I thought the formatting was fine, though I'd say some of the lines got a little long and in parts I wonder if you could have been more concise.

My favorite part was probably the sweetness at the end. My suggestion is to be a little more concrete on why the two liked each other - you say that the girl cried, but we don't really get to know his story or what was so sad about it, adding those little specific concrete details will make the story come alive even more. I wrote an article on Specificity in Poetry if you could use some more ideas about adding specificity.

I also think that this poem would make for an intriguing short story, I'd love to read it if you ever do write it that way - there were just more details that I wanted to know!

Best of luck in all of your future writing!

alliyah




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Sat Jan 11, 2020 2:51 am
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LZPianoGirl wrote a review...



**My Thoughts**

Hey! LZ here with a review! I really, really liked this poem! I love the plot, the wording, and practically everything about it!

**Formatting and Grammar**

Your formatting was marvelous. This poem was very neat and I loved how you indented every second line. I haven't seen anyone do that (so far) in the poems I have read on this site. I liked it!

Your wording was wonderful, too! My favorite line was this:

"But, alas! The unmoveable, unbreakable barrier"

I liked how well those adjectives went together! The only thing wrong that I found was in my favorite line, though. You spelled "unmovable" wrong. I believe you added an e before the a.

**Punctuation and Capitalization**

I didn't notice anything wrong in both of these categories. Your punctuation was fantastic! I loved how you used complete punctuation and not just commas or periods. I also liked how you capitalized the beginning of every line. It looked very clean.

**Quick Review**

Great poem! No errors (that I caught) beside one spelling mistake in the last stanza!

Keep on writing and have a great 2020!!




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Fri Jan 10, 2020 10:32 pm
stinasobi wrote a review...



Ok, lol, I've read this, quote, unquote, Amazing poem, and I have to say it is pretty great. The idea is fabulous and the perspectives are very cute. When I first started reading, I thought this would probably work better in a story form, but the structure is really nice as a poem and, even though there's no knowledge of the background, like what the book even is, it seems complete. There are two things here that I'd maybe change, like one line when it says, her face is all smiles again, I'd change it to something, like she smiles again, and get rid of the extra words. Overall, since it is poetry, making it a bit less wordy might prove beneficial. The other thing is the last stanza; to me, it kind of appears unnecessary because we already know the two can never meet, though I'd somehow keep the last 2 lines because they are a nice way to end the poem. I really did like this poem a lot, especially how it flowed and created a complete story without too many details, so good job :))




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Fri Jan 10, 2020 9:30 pm
WinnyWriter says...






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91 Reviews


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Tue Dec 03, 2019 7:50 pm
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WinnyWriter says...



Wow, this is an amazing poem! People should really read it! . . .





The simple truth is that authors like making people squirm. If this weren't the case, all novels would be filled completely with cute bunnies having birthday parties.
— Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians