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Sunset

by WinnyWriter


The sky over the horizon
as soft evening breezes whisper,
turns into a spectacular display,
lilac fades into deeper violet
kissed by a gentle golden glow that splashes
over the whole array;
silver highlights the deeper grays - and all
on the backdrop of a baby blue
that smiles between the clouds.
The day is fleeting, leaving
a mix of melancholy awe,
depicting how a good thing,
even in its end,
can be beautiful. 


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Points: 85
Reviews: 14

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Thu Nov 21, 2019 9:59 am
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Hereticteen wrote a review...



I absolutely love your rhyme scheme! It looks like something I would write (just very different genres)! I love that you focus on scenery, something that I struggle with personally, so I gotta give you some respect for that alone. All and all, I think that you have written a great poem. This would (MIGHT) be worth publishing! Your ability to create color in a scene really helps the reader get better imagery while they read the poem. Needless to say, there is some incredible imagery here. Keep up the good writing! Best of luck to you!




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1210 Reviews


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Reviews: 1210

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Wed Nov 20, 2019 5:12 pm
niteowl wrote a review...



Hi there WinnyWriter! Niteowl here to review.

Overall, I love the imagery here. I feel like sunsets are a somewhat common theme in poetry (I know I've referenced them in at least three poems and probably more), but this has some great lines that make it stand out.

However, I agree with KatjaDawn that the "melancholy awe" line sticks out because of the contrast with the positive imagery. There's potential here to make the imagery more bittersweet if that's what you want, but you could also alter this line to fit the more positive tone of the poem.

Some nitpicks:

The sky over the horizon
as soft evening breezes whisper,
turns into a spectacular display,


A note of caution about adjectives: Sometimes they work, but it's also easy to go overboard on them. An old review I got suggested that when you edit, you should look at every adjective/adverb and decide if it's really necessary or if it can replaced by a stronger noun or verb. Here, I would cut out "soft" because we have the stronger "whisper".

I think the way this is phrased is a little bit awkward. I would shuffle the lines around to make a stronger beginning and flow better.

"As evening breezes whisper,
the sky over the horizon
turns into a spectacular display."

on the backdrop of a baby blue
that smiles between the clouds.


My favorite line for sure.

Overall, I love the imagery in this. Keep writing! :D




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150 Reviews


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Wed Nov 20, 2019 7:49 am
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KatjaDawn wrote a review...



Hey WinnyWriter, Katja here to review your poem! As with all of my reviews please feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions I make if you find them unhelpful. That being said, let's get into the review~

Overall Thoughts

Your poem details a sunset utilizing vivid imagery. The poem concludes by showing the reader that good things can end beautifully, much as a good day can end with a beautiful sunset. The imagery was beautifully done and I found my self visualizing as I read through~

The poem's message is clear- good things can end without being bad, they can end beautifully even. I love how a sunset inspired this idea and the poem left me feeling optimistic with the beautiful imagery in my mind and a positive message at the end.

I particularly liked the use of enjambment here- the poem flowed very rhythmically and smoothly. Well done!

Suggestions

My only suggestion is more of a comment/thought on the line, "a mix of melancholy awe," Which to me, stood out as the only line having a negative or less positive tone to it. The rest of the poem seems to be focussing on the positive aspect of the day ending and how beautiful it is- the end of the poem is positive as well. The use of melancholy here just stood out to me for this reason. Not at all an error, I just wasn't sure if maybe I misinterpreted the tone of the overall poem or not based on this~

Summary

I really enjoyed your poem, which compares the day ending with a beautiful sunset to the possibility that many good things in life can end on a beautiful and positive note too. I had no major suggestions for you today. Nicely done on this piece, I look forward to reading more of your work soon! I hope my review was helpful,

Keep Writing,

~Katja





This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper.
— T.S. Eliot