You walk among the trees
Where the sunlight filters through,
Your gaze swift, eyes alight with wonder
As they ever seem to be;
A song runs through your very being
Like a river flowing through the woods,
Splashing,
Bubbling,
Glistening,
A pure, unblemished stream,
And the way your eyes shine
Makes me think
The inside of your mind must be like starlight,
For hope undaunted lives within you
Like a tree whose leaves are always green.
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139,407 Literary Works • 672,554 Reviews
Hey friend!! Ellie back for another review on one of your fabulous poems
Lets get right into my thoughts:
Wow, I am blown away by your vivid words and descriptions, which you are able to craft without a lot of complexity. You use a lot of examples that I am very familiar with, like rivers flowing and this glistening and unblemished stream. I found this very easy to read through, because it just flows so nicely. I also loved what you did right here:
You have one word on each line, as if they are falling and flowing like this river you describe. Then the line about an unblemished stream being singular and straight, wow, you really painted a visual image of what you are describing. Fantastic work on this!
I absolutely loved that line you had about 'your mind must be like starlight'. That felt so pure and raw and beautiful to me. You dont use actual emotions, but you create them with nature.
Keep writing!
Your friend,
Ellie
Thank you for the glowing review! I love to hear when ppl like what I wrote.
I loveeee this! I hope you don't mind me leaving a quick review!
I absolutely see deep admiration in this writing. Your descriptive words elicit feelings of purity, youth, and authenticity. For example:
"The inside of your mind must be like starlight,
For hope undaunted lives within you"
I love this part and the comparison of one's mind to the beauty and clarity of starlight.
Keep it up!!
Thanks for the positive comments!
Hello Hello I Hope you dont mind me popping in a quick review. Overall I find this a sweet little poem that gives a fairytale feel. Sadly I can not guess the character I wonder who it is ( I am sorry if it is super obvious) I am sorry if this is a bit of a shorter review I can't find much to give feedback on.
The only thing I would change is a few words in two lines. starting with this one "As they ever seem to be;" For some reason, the ever doesn't really fit the rhyme however I can't find an exact replacement. Maybe play around with some form of eternally.
For the second line, I feel it could be a quick swap out to help strengthen the effect. " And the way your eyes shine." I would change it to "And the way your eyes gleam."
I am sorry if the rhymes are bad it is not my strong suit. Keep writing and drink water!
Thanks for the feedback.
I might review this when I have time
it is really good!
Spoiler
I appreciate the positive comment.