My Heart's Four Seasons
She is spring -
A whisper of warmth
Upon the breeze,
The fresh green foliage
That adorns the trees;
The scent of flowers,
The song of birds,
The sun's own light
In her smile, her words;
A laughing stream,
A clear blue sky,
The love of life
In her bright, hopeful eye.
Her heart is budding
With the blooms of love
That catch gentle rains
Which descend from above -
Springtime comes and goes.
She is summer -
Long, happy days
Filled with laughter and fun,
Warming her face,
In the kiss of the sun,
A gleam in her eye,
The wind in her hair,
Late night adventures
Without any care;
Long, moonlit walks
On a warm, balmy night,
The stars that now twinkle
In their silvery light;
The sudden storm,
The lightning flash,
The ironic music
Of the thunder crash.
Summertime comes and goes.
She is autumn -
A clear blue sky,
A cool, crisp breeze,
The dynamic array
Of the changing leaves,
The snap of cider,
The spice of pie,
The leaves all dancing
As they swirl on by,
Warm, earthy colors,
Bonfires at night,
Deep, dreamy eyes
Reflecting the light;
A misty morning,
A frosty leaf,
She's one half ambition,
And the other half grief.
Autumn comes and goes.
She is winter -
A glistening blanket
Of snow freshly fallen,
A crystalline wonderland
That's silently calling;
The delicate snowflakes
Her lashes adorn,
Now begin to fall faster
As blizzards are born;
The sting of the tempest,
The sob of the wind,
The iridescent icicles
Have become her friends;
A frozen silence,
A stillness forlorn,
A wall of ice
Guards a heart that's been torn.
Winter comes and goes.
So, like the weather,
Her seasons will change,
From springtime to winter
Their difference may range,
But take this to heart -
Don't judge her until
You've seen both her weakness
And the strength of her will,
For, like the year,
She is more than one part;
Both clear days and cloudy
Have handled her heart.
Can you say you know her,
Do you have a good reason,
If you haven't stuck by her
To see all her seasons?
-Copyright 2020
Hello!
Here to review your work!
I would like to start of by saying this is really beautiful. What a strongly worded poem. What I mean by that is you say what you mean. You use great words for describing and understanding everything. Really great job because I can imagine it vividly!
With grammar or criticism -- I have none. Just an overall amazing job. I will be reading more of your poems!
(Sorry it's a short review)
_ From your friend,
@PlainandSimple _
Keep on writing <3
Hi WinnyWriter!
I think this poem is absolutely beautiful! The imagery is extremely vivid and allows you to almost see each season play out in front of you as you read each section. Not only is each line impressively rhymed but the word choice is very unique also. Another thing that I liked about this poem was the appropriate use of punctuation that made the poem easy to read and also made it flow smoothly. This poem also had a very powerful message not only about the complexity of human beings but also the dire need for people to truly understand and spend time with someone before they judge them, looking at the whole picture instead of making judgments based on bits and pieces.
In one sentence, I really loved this poem. Thank you for sharing!
-Siena
Hello WinnyWriter,
I'm not sure whether or not you were being facetious with the last part - "copyright 2020" or serious, but honestly this is a poem worth a copyright stamp!
The structure is very clear and succinct, representing each of the four seasons and the emotions that come with them.
Honestly I'm unsure whether or not reviews help with poems like these - other than to say keep it up or well done - because the poem has clearly undergone alot of word switching and rhyme testing already. Not to mention the imagery is vivid and relatable.
I will give you what I would personally change, but these are nitpicks that don't particularly make a world of difference...
"The sun's own light in her smile her words"
Here I would change the second pronoun "her" and replace it with "and". For me when I read it aloud it just rolls off the tongue slightly better and compliments the previous rhyme more effectively in my opinion; "and words" is spoken/read slightly quicker too in comparison. I do respect however that the poem emphasises the importance of "her" considering she is the main subject.
"In her bright, hopeful eye"
Once again, "a clear blue sky" is a short, pieced together rhyme. When I read the next bit (quoted above), hopeful sticks out to me like a sore thumb. Maybe you don't share my opinion for syllable consistency, but i'd definitely change it to this word - it also respects the subject of springtime -----> "blue". Whenever I picture spring it's always blues and greens, and later on I have changed the word "blue" again to avoid repetition.
By the way I don't know whether the repetition of "clear blue sky" was intentional but I thought i'd let you know.
"A clear blue sky" - spring stanza and "a clear blue sky" - autumn stanza
This just depends how many times you want to repeat the adjective "blue". I'd personally have "white sky" for spring, as the sky is usually a very light blue with lots of clouds. For autumn, I came up with "a tanned dusk sky" or "a tanned dusk setting". I wanted to change clear, the autumn skies are very oily in terms of palette; it's the time of year when it starts to get darker in the afternoons, hence the dusk part. I understand that's a massive change, if I had more time maybe i'd alter it, but the point here is that I wouldn't use clear twice (unless clarity is meant to reflect the character's mind in some way).
"But take this to heart -"
I would swap the dash for a colon because you're introducing some advice which is to not judge her until.... etc etc
There are some great parts of this poem that really strand out to me:
"The snap of cider, the spice of pie the leaves all dancing as they swirl on by"
(This isn't just because I love the mention of cider by the way XD The imagery and personification is so vivid and effective here)
"A glistening blanket up until blizzards are born" Plosive sounds here to reflect the stereotypical "brrr" sound caused my winter is what I took away from it, and the
rhyme was beautiful.
Message, structure and choice of rhymes are superb in this poem.
I apologise if I've made any spelling errors, I don't tend to proof read reviews. If you have any queries, or don't have a clue what i'm trying to get at, don't hesitate to message.
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