There's a secret I've come face-to-face with,
Uncomfortable, but true,
That it seems I have forgotten
Love's particular passionate hue;
For long has my heart stood lonely,
A stretch of desolate land,
And faded the deep connections
And the caress of friendship's hand.
-
Where now is the glow of companionship,
The warmth of those special bonds,
Or the thing that makes it hurt to leave
And that hurts when someone's gone?
For I stand now in the absence
Of loves which once brightened my days,
And what objects have my affections
Enough that I'd fight for them to stay?
-
Yet though my heart stands abandoned
Like a dwelling all forlorn,
And winds all cold and lonely
Through silent halls do mourn,
Though there are many empty chambers,
And dust lies on the floor,
Though the hinges have grown rusty,
May I never fully shut the door.
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139,407 Literary Works • 672,554 Reviews
You write very beautifully, WinnyWriter. This poem was quite relatable and I loved the metaphors you used to communicate these feelings. I found it very interesting that you described love as a color and it made me think of what color love would be. For me, I think I see love as a deep red, probably because of how society often depicts love in pink and red, but also red is my favorite color lol. I also found how you compared your heart to a desolate land very interesting. It does not only showcase the emptiness you feel, but also the lack of care that you have received. It displays an image in my head of a land that is dry, empty, and dusty with no one in sight for miles. When you also compared your heart to an abandoned dwelling it connected really well with your last line, "May I never fully shut the door". While yes, an abandoned dwelling requires a lot of refurnishing, it still has a lot of potential and one day, someone could see the beauty in it and decide to put in the work to make it a livable place once more.
This was great, thank you for sharing!
Thanks for the comments!
I really like the play on rusty hinges, dust on the floor, empty chambers and silent halls. These are all very particular metaphors for an abandoned heart that provide much imagery and comprehension for readers to highly relate to. The rhyme was steady and made for a great read while the flow was smooth and dramatic, making this a very successful piece of work in my books.
Thanks! I appreciate the comments.
My pleasure
God I love this! Very relatable, and the rhyming scheme is impeccable. My favourite line would have to be 'Love's particular passionate hue' and the last line too. Tell me; is there a voice recording of this? If so, I would love to hear it; I think it would sound amazing in a husky kind of voice.
Thanks! No, no voice recording, sorry.
Glad you liked it tho!
This is a beautiful piece packed with intensive metaphors to display emotions of someone negotiating love. The rhyme and even line length made for a smooth, subtle read.