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Vision

by WinnyWriter


You are an inspiration to us all,

To be steady,

To be strong,

To hold on even when it seems

We get the bad end of the deal

For doing what's right;

You have a vision that perceives

Important things

That others overlook;

You are a rock,

A protector,

A calm in the middle of panic,

You are the strength of steadiness,

And even when the rest of us are blinded

By hopelessness all around,

It's you who still can see

The light at the end of the tunnel.


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278 Reviews


Points: 1685
Reviews: 278

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Sat Jun 12, 2021 3:58 pm
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silented1 wrote a review...



You are an inspiration to us all, Make this a metaphor because it would work so well. You could really make a strong comparison that is then dropped during transition from this idea to the next.

To be steady,

To be strong, These two lines can be descriptions of your poem's metaphor.

To hold on even when it seems This can be another line with more show. Like, to hold on means to keep on doing something, but it doesn't say what or conjure an image or anything. It needs something concrete to work.

We get the bad end of the deal You could be more efficient by saying hold on through the bad deal.

For doing what's right; This can be where your idea changes and moves onto another comparison.

You have a vision that perceives

Important things This enjambment works well because because it works for both lines and the simplicity makes it easy to understand.

That others overlook;

You are a rock, This metaphor is what I was talking about. Maybe they're a shining rock in the beginning.

A protector,

A calm in the middle of panic, This causes an image. It's good.

You are the strength of steadiness,

And even when the rest of us are blinded

By hopelessness all around,

It's you who still can see

The light at the end of the tunnel.




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Reviews: 32

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Sat Jun 12, 2021 4:46 am
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TheWarriorMingan wrote a review...



Hello Winny! First of all, I really like this poem, it's inspiring.

My only critic is that you maybe add in a little more punctuation besides the various semi-colons, commas, and the period in the end. Maybe you could separate the verses a bit.

This is my favorite part:

A calm in the middle of panic,/You are the strength of steadiness,


I would have more, but I have to go, see you later!

-Sincerely, Mingan

Remember, Follow your heart, and nothing can go wrong. (concerning writing)




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Points: 125
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Sat Jun 12, 2021 4:26 am
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FoolishForsythia wrote a review...



I really enjoyed this piece! The use of repetition at the beginning of several lines (I believe the term for this is anaphora, but I can't quite recall), such as in "To be steady,/ To be strong,/ To hold on..." and "A protector,/ A calm..." really emphasizes the narrator's reverence for the subject! Additionally, reintroducing the concepts in the second and third line later on ("You are the strength of steadiness") further conveys the importance of these qualities to the narrator. Furthermore, these lines may show the reader that the subject doesn't just have these qualities, but stands as an ideal/paradigm. I also really enjoyed how you describe the subject, and the recurring theme of, well, vision! I think that the ending line is very impactful, as it contextualizies the idea of vision as something beyond the physical sense of sight. This is a very strong poem overall, and I believe it can be even better with a few small changes here and there. For example, when first illustrating the notable qualities of the subject, you use “to” often, which is a very powerful approach. However, you may want to clarify that this strength, steadiness, and perseverance contribute to the idea that the subject is “an inspiration to us all.” I found your use of “for doing...” to be extremely effective, as that shows the audience why others may find the subject inspiring. Altogether, I really, really enjoyed this poem! It evokes a sense of emotion and respect in so few words, it’s incredible! Great work :)





We think in generalities, but we live in details.
— Alfred North Whitehead