the fury

Hi Lareine! Becca here for a quick review.

I think you used images in this poem incredibly well. I loved "drives fast on unlit roads," "ring familiar chorus bells," "char the wax," "ever leaking hourglasses," "smokes and smolders," and "hacks and heals."

The sounds you used, alliteration, was perfect, and the poem had a melodic quality. I thought the end was very powerful as well, though I didn't 100% get who the "fury" was by the end of the piece (are we supposed to?).

If I were in your position, I'm pretty sure I would feel the same (I can't directly relate to your fury, but I'm still angry with you and I know where it's coming from). I meant to get to this last night, but I ended up going to bed, so I'm here now!

So here I might ask about what the central emotion of the piece is, but it's a little obvious. That's a reason why I believe a lot of people can get behind your poetry--because it's honest and it doesn't attempt to hide itself in subtlety very often. The theme is always the focal point of the poem, where with others, it might be the subject matter or the imagery. This theme is overarching throughout the whole poem, which is what the repetition here helps do. It's clear and to the point.

The repetition hits again and again each stanza and acts as a basis to build your other lines around, and I like that. Let's talk about the weakness that almost inevitably comes along with this. While each stanza is connected by the 'i am the fury' beginning every time, there's this disconnect.

Or at least, I have a hard time seeing these stanzas together. While this poem isn't the most cohesive because it hops from topic to topic while having this large overarching theme that's holding it together. I understand that this is more of a venting poem, and that's okay! I wanted to point out a particular stanza that stood out to me before I end this review:

i am the fury that burns and bleeds, that
screams and sings, that
watches the wick burn short and char the wax as midnight creeps on closer.

Wow Laureine! This is mwgoza97!! I am a lover of poetry and this poem goes exremely deep. I can feel the pain, anger, and sadness of this poem. I am so glad that you used the allusion of the fury of greek mythology. That is one of my guilty pleasures. I wish you could have used more descriptions and emotions, but I can feel how the fury is feeling. I also love the non-usage of punctuation at the beginning, which shows the personality of the author. You show so much potential!!! I look forward to reading more from you.

I really like this poem! As a poet myself, this isn't something I would write but this is so good! I like the way you repeat "I am the fury" and the description of the whole poem is great. Keep up the good work!

Let little wrisky just hop right into this one if you would.

The language is very understandable and clear. The message doesn't seem to be that complicated, but perhaps it is because I wasn't able to derive its meaning. But that's kind of a big problem if I can't interpret the main theme. I am left feeling unsure of that full intent you meant for me.

You could go for a complimenting little bit there attached to your first line if you want. It kind of works alone, for impact and all... but perhaps you had something more to say about it there?

Leaving "scanning for" hanging off the edge there was a real good employment of knowing when a good place was to break the line, because it gives us that almost panicky emotion of trying to quickly search for something you're after.

Now you're next stanza, that break doesn't come off so cleanly. I would recommend almost anything in the 2nd line of that 3rd stanza, except leaving it at "that"

"i am the fury that wraps bandages too tight around its hands" - You've got something incredible with this line. Now the very next line, instead of beginning with and, maybe keep the trend and begin in with "that". Since part of the concept is "picking its fights" maybe you should put a semi-colon in that line somewhere, as a literary device for having to stop and slow down and mentally process the deciding time between that choice coming to fruition. Ever-leaking hourglasses should really be written with a hyphen, and you could ... trail off after hourglasses. I think it'd be great!

"that pulls through the fog of reality to the glaring light of
hate." - I'm not sure if it's the greatest choice where you snapped off this line. The two lines preceding it were excellent and shining btw, but this one, especially when you liken hate to a glaring light, as if something dark like that can be any kind of light or goodness to help one see, I don't know, and that's part of the reason for this meaning being lost.

This was concise, but had the depth it needed to flesh it out and animate it. That said, I believe you have crafted a proverbial figure or doll here, and gave it everything it should have needed: but you didn't draw a face for it, you left it blank, gaping and open

Cheers, Wrisky loves this: it just needs expression so that the theme can be read and translated;)