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141,724 Literary Works • 675,618 Reviews
I was a bit confused reading this the first time. I read it once more and I started to get it, very well written poem. New and orginal and that's what I live. Your imagery was set off perfectly, maybe you could make it so less confusing but overall very will written poem.
I would say stanza two was my favorite because it just had a certian rythem that I just loved. You a good writer I can tell, next time make it longer because I am sure you could of added a lot of great things.
Keep up the writing!
In my opinion the second sounds better but both are good. You probably could combine them if you wanted too. At first I read the two versions as one whole, because I didn't read the stuff above, and it seemed pretty good that way. But overall it all matters on your own opinion of it so do as you like