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140,691 Literary Works • 673,612 Reviews
Hey there ancient! I actually see a lot of potential in this poem - and, as it is, it is pretty darn good, anyway. This would be great if it was spoken, too. Yet I still got this feeling that it could still do with a little tweaking.
You chose a great topic, and one very near and dear to my heart. Not only that, but you do a great job of pegging each and every issue within this issue - from fear to circumstance to alienation to petty desires. You envelop a lot in a very simplistic way, which is quite an impressive feat.
It would have been nice to see a broader use of language and creativity, but I also think that this straightforward approach did it a lot of favors. You wrote it almost as a confession or a monologue, and as I said already, I can imagine it being spoken (this would make a great slam poem, if you know what that is).
I can't quite say what's not working. I think it's just subtle issues with rhythm and flow that are prodding me to feel that little twinge of dissatisfaction. However, this poem says a lot, and evokes a lot of emotion.
Oh, and the last line - I lovelovelove the last line.
Keep writing, and best wishes. xxx
Thanks for reviewing!
I'm a little shy/nervous about reading my own poetry out loud. Anxiety and stage fright, mostly, scare me away from that. I've also been depending on a smaller pool of words to get more complex ideas across - I find it helps to condense ideas, at least at first, when I'm writing my poetry, because it makes it easier for me to identify with my own words.
I'm not very satisfied with my own rhythm, so you aren't alone there; I just don't know where I would even start editing it to make it flow better at this point. I think it needs to sit for a while before I'm ready to take the pen to this one again.
Hi there
Keep writing, I look forward to reading more from you. 
This is a truly beautiful poem. I love this poem because it is so relatable, like the other reviewers said, it really hits home with a lot of people ( me inclusive ).
I would really like if you used more punctuation, and started the lines with capital letters. It would just look a bit cleaner.
The only thing i don't quite get, is the last line of the first stanza:
" (and no one ever had any to begin with) " I think the poem would be stronger without that sentence.
I especially like the last stanza, the wording of it is very beautiful, and the last line is so powerful and makes a perfect ending.
Amazing job
I think a lot of my stylistic stuff (the lowercase letters, the lack of punctuation marks) depends on the poem I'm actually writing - I have written poems with capitalised lines and complete, proper punctuation, but this doesn't feel like one of them, to me. It just feels more natural when I'm writing and when I'm reading to do this in my usual freeverse style with a bit of its own flair.
Ah! The last line of the first stanza! I won't lie, I wrote this all in one go (as I write most of my poetry), and I don't really revise. So that's been in there from the first draft, and I kind of put it in there to keep up a little rhythm - otherwise, the first stanza would be too short, but if I tried adding something else, it would be too long. In terms of the symbolism of the poem, it also stands to say that everyone suffers from the loneliness described.
Thank you very much for your review! I'm very glad you enjoyed it!
I hope you don't mind if I review your poem.
Wow... as someone who has suffered from loneliness for a long time, I find that this poem really speaks to me. In fact, I think that it speaks to a lot of people who suffer from the same problem. The best thing, in my opinion, about this poem is how honest and relatable it is. I love how you treat loneliness as a serious and legitimate issue that causes many people a lot of pain. That's something I really appreciate, because too often people do say to "suck it up," which you nicely addressed in your poem.
I like the repetition of "I want there to be a support group." It gives the poem a nice rhythm and a reference point for the reader to look at while reading through. I like how you use that reference point to examine loneliness from different angles and to give the reader a full picture of what loneliness is like and why it should be treated seriously.
The only weakness I might find is that the stanza lengths are very uneven, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. It is free verse, after all.
Once again, you did a fantastic job, and I really enjoyed reading your poem.
I don't mind if you review at all, lovely.
I've also been lonely for a while, which is mostly what led to this poem. I try to use my words to help others find theirs - to understand, or to question.
As for the stanza lengths - I know! It's killing me! However, my formatting is horribly different than it is on here, with breaks between smaller stanzas to put a bit of emphasis on certain ideas. I was just tired when I put this up, so I couldn't be bothered to do something silly to keep that formatting.
Thank you very much for your review!
Oh... I love this poem. I've been suffering from loneliness for a long time as well :c That's actually why I joined YWS, and it's helped me a little!
Well, I'll try to review, but it will be hard to find some weaknesses. This piece is so beautiful and I could tell it came from the heart.
Alright, well the first thing I noticed is you begin every stanza with "There should be a support group for lonely people," Or, "There should be a support group," but to me I think it would sound better and give more structure if you started each stanza the same way. Another thing I noticed is that the third stanza is so much longer than the other ones. While this is a freestyle poem, if you ever wanted to edit it I would suggest trying to make them all the same length.
On strengths though, you have wonderful word choice. Especially in the last few lines, where you say, "...disease of the soul," "seep it's way into your very being," and "make you believe it is inherent to you." All of those lines are so, so beautiful.
You do a great job of conveying loneliness and how it should be treated like other things that people consider more, "serious," per se. Overall, I really loved it and I hope you keep writing!
Thank you very much for your review!
I joined YWS a couple of years back in a rampage of "I must join every writing forum ever", but so far it's been the only one I've really been connected to in any way. I've made friends here - it definitely helps with the loneliness.
As for the stanza lengths - yeah, it sucks. My formatting was originally different (I originally had this on my poetry tumblr), but unfortunately lost in the translation to YWS. I was also tired when I uploaded this, and unwilling to do something silly to keep the formatting which, I find, helps the poem drastically.
Thank you for the suggestion (I will definitely keep that in mind and try it out on my own sometime). I'm glad you liked the poem!