Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,316 Literary Works • 672,529 Reviews
Hello, I am reviewing you right now.
That poem was a bit depressing, but I thought the spelling was very good. But, try to make it longer next next, like my sister Raven.
The first line reminds me of crying.
The second and third line remind me of Gotham Bridge falling down.
The fourth one sorta reminds me of Harry Potter.
The last one is reminds me of when Batman couldn't rescue Jason...
Good writing.
(I'm not sure how I feel about this review. That's all I could get out of him. -Raven)
Thank you for your review! (It's fine. Improvement happens over time.)
Hey, ancient! You're not that ancient, so we can keep you young and healthy!
First of all, you requested not to talk about the capitals. *Puts paws behind head while balancing on hind legs* Fine then! Okay! I give up!
So, let's focus on the poem itself. Going from few lines to lines (I'm not sure what I was trying to say) let's see what's good or not so good about this.
I'd like to say that the flow and rhythm aren't very well done. That should be improved. There isn't that rhythm that makes a good poem flow.
Okay, now what do you mean about "crumbling at the edges" and why was it put in first person? If that were to be me, I would definitely go for "it's" instead. Otherwise, there just needs to be more information (unless you're trying to keep it short) or flow.
I like how you made the fourth line come from the song itself, still keeping independence while showing where it was based off of.
Even so, the last line confuses me. Why does there need to be saving. Don't the humans need to be save as well?
I could be speaking of things that may not be necessary to talk about, but they are just some things I had to talk about.
So, my rating is:
7/10
Why is it that low? Well, that's because it lacks flow, and not much thought or meaning is put into the poem. It's hard to understand, and therefore, is not very interesting.
Keep writing!
~Kitty
Liked this quite a lot, for what it is. It's short and simple and it has a kind of echo-effect on my mind, allowing me to over-analyse the message you're trying to say.
To me, you're talking about the fall of society and the lack of any righteous force available to take action. Which, really, is a fascinating thought in the times we live in.
A great piece, keep up the good work.
I love the last two lines, taking an old happy-tuned song and putting a really sad twist on to it. I think if you had made it any longer, it would have lost all of its meaning. The last two lines do it for me. Nice to read, interesting, glad you wrote it.
-Anna