In Captivity

Hello Tuesday here for a review. i like to begin that this poem literally gave me chills (even though i have a blanket on me at the moment) but this poem, thanks to the use of tone and imagery, can give most readers sense of horror or suspense (most poems can't really handle that topic well.) Also throughout this poem, you repeat some lines in the beginning and how there is little rhymes in this poem to give it a beat or a tone to the reader while enjoying this poem.

There are some parts in this poem that made little sense to me or are cliche (in a sense). To begin with that, Cold blood and fire seems a little confusing since these two objects son't really go great together as you write a letter. Also the cliche part of the poem could be that many poems talk about death also you repeat that they have died which we can know by what we are reading in this poem. Also in the beginning I did't enjoy how you started out with You know since what do we know? Do we know what death is like? Since some of the people in this world, never seen death. Plus the title of this poem, doesn't quite fit this poem (to me that is).

Overall, I think that this a wonderful poem that has a effect of suspense or horror. Also, in some spots if this poem, there is alliteration for example dark and dire and the tone of this could be crying over a dead person's body yet at the same time you are crying, you are glad that you have killed the person since, maybe, you never liked them or something.

Farewell,
Tuesday

Hey AF

So we're back to drab again. This one doesn't have anything really going for it. I can see that you're starting to get some length into it and that's nice. You're more into a plot here, but you're not giving us enough detail to make this a horror, and you're not really giving us enough description of their relationship, the life of the dead person, or the life of the living person to make us really care.

Probably the biggest fault of this is the repetition of the idea that they're dead. We know they're dead. There's no need to tell us that again and again. You're also back to using some dull words. You're not showing us much of anything with the poem and it's underwhelming because of that. I think the fact that the blood is cold is interesting because blood is usually hot, but if they've been bled out for a while, I suppose I could see cold blood, but it's really a moot point as it does nothing for the poem or the gore-factor that this person is writing it in blood, that's pretty standard in murder poems.

It's sort of like when you go to a horror movie and a door opens behind someone and they have a bunch of bloody chainsaws, or they run INTO the haunted house, or they Break up the group, and then people start dying left and right.

All of it is pretty cliche at this point and I think you know that too. If you really wanted to rewrite this with this idea, put more of an emotional struggle into it. Right now you use cop outs like "my soul is frayed and tattered" when you could have put something like, "I felt the dread wrench through my stomach and up-heave my lunch while the pleasure trickled down my spine." If you want gore, go for gore, if you want dilemma, go for what the emotional damage actually does.

Onto the next.

"You know,
I never meant to hurt you.
It was just so quickly done.
The knife in my hand,
Taken and broken
Through flesh and blood and bone.

I never meant to hurt you,
So sweet and innocent -
You never knew
What went on in the dark.
The shadows were your enemies,
And it was only them you slew.

You were such a bright thing
And sorrowful was your death,
Though it was mine.
I tried to hold onto you
Even after you were cast off.
I was never quite fine.

My soul is frayed and tattered
As I write this letter in blood.
Cold blood and fire:
That is what makes up my life
These days, so cold without you,
So dark and dire.

You were such a bright thing
And so joyful was your life
That we forgot -
Neither of us belonged here.
We were only passing through,
And your passage so short."

Very erie, but interesting. Like the spoiler, and the previous review, this poem seems a bit forced, but I feel like it kind of adds to it. Some poems can work with that kind of tension. So good job. it's also harder to write a poem like this, so anyone who's use to writing free verse would have a bit of trouble with a strict poem. Anyways, great job!
-LittleLionWoman

I like this poem, it was quite disturbing, haunting, even. After I read your little spoiler about how some of it was forced, I agreed immensely. Some parts felt like you weren't quite sure what to say, so you forced words out. Still, it was enjoyable, considering my love for darker pieces. I like how there was repetition, but it wasn't overly superfluous. I know you said it was one of your older works, but if you ever feel forced to write something, just relax. I usually listen to music that sets the mood for what kind of writing I'd like to do. Hopefully this helps!