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Hey AF,
I don't think this is a good poem, to be honest. I think we're at honesty right? I can't really find anything to compliment the poem on, but I know that you had an idea that, if you repeated the goal, you'd be better at this.
The reasons I don't think this is a good poem are as follows,
It overuses words that don't mean very much to the human eye. You has no value as an image, it's just a "not this" word when we say you, because you, is not the speaker, if we're not pointing at something. That's all it says.
Very and ever are both modifying words. They compose about 28% of your poem, and thus out of 14 words, we get knocked down to 10. Oh, and if we take out the pronouns, we're down to 7 words. Will is just a question word, but is a conjunction, which leaves us with 5 words.
Pretty, Dark, Light, Show, Face.
Pretty is one of the words that has so many connotations with it, we end up with a different version of it for everyone. Perhaps that's what you're trying to get at, perhaps it's not, It's hard to determine because if we take it out, and try to look at the rest of the words, we're just left with dark, light, show, and face. Dark and light are contrasting one another, and if we're thinking about one individual, than this sort of makes a gray murky thing or something with intense contrast. Most of the time contrast. So really we're left with contrast of brightness, show, and face. Show means that this is something that's strictly visible, which means we're down to one sense. Face is the subject matter of what is being shown, which has high contrast. That's all this poem physically says, and even then, we know from "will you ever" that this person isn't actually showing their face, which leaves us to ask what really IS the subject matter of this contrast?
So moving on from the fact that we don't have much to work with, I think perhaps one of the more annoying points of the poem for me is that we don't explore the contrast that's set up. This poem seems more like a puzzle than something that's attempting to give the reader an insight about what it wants to say, and that's an amateur mistake. The reason it is considered an amateur mistake is because poems are already hard to understand without a puzzle intentionally put into the poem by the writer. This sort of mistake is common and typically done at least a few times by young poets, thus the other half of why it's classified that way. So overall, the puzzle seems to be saying "Beauty is in contrast" rather than the face. To me, this is a good message, but it is not clear, and if I handed this to my mom, she'd be like, "so what?" which is why I say this isn't a very good poem. An average reader isn't going to spend a long time reading your poem, so you have to get your message across in something like a twitter post, and if you want to keep them reading, make it worth their while, like a news article. More details below* This can keep them interested, and if they're interested, they'll keep reading, if they're not, then why bother?
* News articles are written in pyramid style, important information at the top, and tidbits at the bottom that some people might be interested in, but not as many would find important to them.
Overall, I think you could probably read this, come up with your original idea, and do a lot better with a second shot at the idea behind this poem. Use creative, unique words instead of these bland words that people see when they're describing the value of the sky.
Sorry for being harsh.
Since you reviewed one of my poems, I'm going to review one of yours! Since yours was so in-depth, I'm going to make this concise. There's not much to review, though, so that makes sense.
First, I'm not sure how the use of "very" adds anything to the poem. I've always believed and been taught by many people that the use of the word comes across as juvenile and immature. Your poem is extremely simplistic, so I can see how you would think the use of small and somewhat uninteresting words would work. Lastly, since the poem is so compact and small, the simplistic approach, for me, isn't working. I feel like it's not memorable and somewhat short-winded. This could, again be fixed like replacing words like "very" and "pretty" for more elegant wording, but that's just me. I'm wordy. However, I've looked through many of your other poems and they're just darling.
All in all, a nice poem.
I like it, because how could the narrator know what they look like if they've never seen this person's face? I like the simplicity of it, but it's so short it doesn't have the feel of a poem. The idea's really cool, wished you'd written more.
-Anna
You have a knack for writing very (very) short poetry. I like it.
This isn't nearly as strong as the last work of yours I read. It still conveys a message, it is still light and fun, but the words don't hold a great deal of consequence. The only thing that is truly poetic about this is the line:
I don't know. It's hard to really draw to many criticisms from such a short piece. I think you did well with limited words but could still make it a touch stronger. I understand the appeal of writing such short poetry, but do write more (words.)
JP
Owl is totally right, and I also like the contrast. If you are still writing more of this, thats cool, but if its finished, that's just WAY too short. Keep writing!
Hi again, haha. I loved how this was very contrast. Showing both the light and the dark and it makes you wonder what could look like that, until you see that you don't know what it looks like... if that makes sence. Anyway I wish it were longer, unlike your Soldier Lullaby one, this one I felt could have been a bit longer and more detailed. Though it was great how it was, I felt it was a little lacking. 4 owls out of 5.